Now, you can write Keith Olbermann's show with "OLBERLIBS"tm

Conspiracy Olberlib #1 (Major Disaster)

Hi ________ (insert left wing sycophant here), glad you could be here with us. When __________ (insert cabinet member) went to _______ (insert locale) while there was __________ (insert tragedy) going on, was this a ploy to divert attention? Isn't it possible that __________ (insert administration member) organized this to pull the wool over our eyes, or, in a lesser manner, divert us from the main tragedy at hand, or even perhaps, and I am not talking off the cuff except . . . uh . . . rather in a manner befitting a skeptic, what does this all mean?

Conspiracy Oberlib #2 (Accident / Mishap)

Hi ________ (insert left wing sycophant here), glad you could be here with us. Given the history of mysterious mishaps and strange events with this administration, at what point. . . uh . . . in the face of overwhelming skepticism from so many sources on this, do we . . . uh . . . can we ask legitimately fo a special prosecutor?

Conspiracy Oberlib #3 (Election Fraud)

Good evening. Tonight on Countdown, the recent election in ________ (insert Republican victory site) has left more questions than answers, as people in individual counties find themselves baffled by both the results and how they were obtained. While exit polls showed ________ (insert pro-Democrat data), final polls seem to provide a convenient victory for _________ (insert republican), this despite voting machines in ________ (insert Democrat stronghold) which malfunctioned, lines in _________ (insert Democrat stronghold) which stretched around the block, and hostile forces at these poll areas. Meanwhile, in _________ (insert Republican stronghold) all machines worked well, there were no lines and the weather held up. In the string of events so unlikely is our electoral system broken and in desperation . . . er . . . without recourse for overhall with hanging chads and pregnant chads and a string of dubious election results in this time of great tragedy and final . . . uh . . . as a test of the Democratic system, which is under attack tonight? Dana Milbank, thanks for being here . . .

Hey KFK

That was beautiful man...one for the ages.

Mr. Olbermann, for some unexplained reason (and I think the political or ideological explanation by itself doesn't suffice), cannot (not will not) distinguish between legitimate questions about an issue and illegitimate ones.

Any line of thought, any line of questioning appears to be acceptable. Nothing is out of bounds, nothing is too far fetched.

So at the end of the day, if you will, we wind up learning really very little or nothing new about an issue or event. We are simply left with speculation and conjecture that requires us to try and figure out what is substantive and what is merely talk.

And most of it, it seems to me, is simply talk.

Not a good approach to covering news. Regardless of whether you're on the right or the left.

SMG

Everyday I watch Mr. Olbermann and I love it. But tonight I sneezed right at the end and I didn't hear how many days it's been since bush declared "Mission Accomplished". I am sure there is some right wing fruit cakes that comes in here every day that can fill me in. Also while they are at it, perhaps they can also tell me how many American soldiers have died in Iraq so far, and what is the current federal deficit???? Just wondering your local BLUEFIRE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Olbermann Fan Club,

Is there any rule about Olbermann fans doing what BLUEFIRE has done above?

We see this all the time here. Olby fans seem to find partisan pleasure in the number of soldiers who have died in Iraq and about any problems there and use such issues in a 'nah nah na nah nah' political jab fashion.

Is there any rule about Olby fans seeming like they're rooting for the terrorists against their government?

One point about the shooting pattern on Whittington.

The man's face was marked on the right side. We got a close-up and still pic of his face as Whittington made his media statement on leaving the hospital. He got the day wrong!

Wait! Whittington got the day wrong! He just got shot, was in intensive care, had a heart attack, was transferred to various hospitals, but that should not be a factor! His mental acuity should be clear as a bell and THEREFORE Cheney was lying about the day!??

Cue The Laughing Stagehand (who is that anyway?)

At any rate... is it not possible to put your chin on your left shoulder and face a one direction and get hit by a pattern of shot on the right side of the face and the left chest? Gee, just asking?

You could assume that all persons on this planet walk around as stiffly as stick figures on two-dimensional sheriff's diagrams?

Olbermann Fan Club Automated response to CECILIA:

Dear CECILIA,

You FASCIST RETHUGLICAN BUSHIE LOVER. We F_ING HATE YOU AND YOUR KIND. F_ YOU AND YOUR FASCIST BABY KILLERS IN IRAQ. HOW MANY HAVE DIED WITH NO WMD FOUND? BUSH LIED PEOPLE DIED!

End of automated response.

JJ, we are moved by your arguments, and agree that Mr. Whittington is covering something up. He has wounds that are not consistent with the sheriff's diagram. Clearly the law enforcement diagram is precise, and so we must wonder, exactly what has been altered / changed / covered up on Mr. Whittington, or is Mr. Whitting indeed Mr. Whittington at all? Please join our club for the bargain basement fee of two haldol tablets.

Bluefire,

Those are the most presuasive arguments yet that whatever KO says must be the undoctored truth. With arguments like those I see a future as an associate to Ramsey Clark.

Don't all left wing sites have running, up to the minute, real time, soldier death counts? Instead of having Mission Accomplised at the end of his show KO should have THE DEATH SCORBOARD! Or, maybe COUNTDOWN TO 3000!

Hey maybe Richard Dryfuss will be on Monday since he called for Impeachment. I'm getting tired of seeing the same old hacks and wacks on. It's got to be getting to old Keith when Frankin will do Carlson's show before Meltdown.

Don't look for Olby to be heading back to E.S.P.N. after this. I remember last year when they had the 20th or 25th anniversary week. They brought everybody back and made mention of those who, for whatever reason could not make it back. But there was no mention of Keith at all, like he was never there, EVER! Dan Patrick is just playing Ko like a fiddle. Oh well Keith don't worry, theres always N.P.R.! Or maybe, hitch a ride on the Jim Hightower speaking tours. Whatever happen to that guy?

An interesting sidebar to this is that near the end of the hour Friday on the Dan Patrick radio show in which Olbermann co-hosts, Olbermann and Patrick both made light of the above two questions. Viz., that Whittington said he was shot on a Friday and that the police report had the wounds on the left side of his body and not his right.

During the show, Olbermann mentioned the two issues while in the background the theme music from the "X-Files" played. Patrick, meanwhile, was laughing in the background.

KO appears to embrace the idea that since he believes that he is monitoring the government and serving as watchdog over our liberties from the Orwellian state, that one can pose any question or suggest any conspiracy theory in that role. Sometimes the giggling of the guests shows that the mask isn't always tightly secured.

But he seems to overlook the fact that by proposing such outlandish theories, he trivializes the important role that a free press does indeed play in our liberal democracy.

And that manifests itself by people tuning things out. Figuratively and, in KO's case, literally.

SMG

SMG,

I think you're dead right about Olbermann feeling that he's the little boy yelling that the emperor is not wearing clothes. Your mention of the "Orwellian State" is dead-on too since it's a comparison Olberamnn often makes.
Although Olbermann knows he taxes the credulity of those around him, he does it because he can. They may laugh and shake their heads over his conspiracy theories, but they would not have tolerated stopped smiling and being indulgent if Olbermann aimed this at Democrats. There's no way reputable reporters would appear on Olbermann's show if he aired conspiracy theories surrounding Vince Foster's death or gave credence to the women who claimed to have been mauled or harassed by Clinton. Olbermann would be done with them. His credibility would be zero and MSNBC would be hounded by the print media to ditch him.
Olbermann gets away with this because he's liberal, his targets are conservative, and he's saying what lies in the souls of liberal reporters. We saw this with the recent brouhaha over Cheney's shooting accident. Although reporters may try to frame it up that the lack of WMD and the Plame affair made them more suspicious of the WH, it just isn't true. It was only because of 9/11 that you didn't see this sort of paranoia from them sooner. They've always regarded Cheney as Darth Nixon Vader and conservative Republicans as capable of anything.

Olbermann does this stuff because he can. It does not tarnish his reputation with his fellow American Mainstream Media Party members. They may smile and roll their eyes, but inside they're delighted he is saying what they cannot. He knows that or he'd never do it. Olbermann worships at the shrine of liberal media progressive advocacy. He thinks he's a priest in the order of Edward R. Murrow.

He's really a partisan hack.

@ no one in particular

I just wanted to clear up a poorly edited comment!

*Is it not possible to put your chin on your left shoulder and be hit by a SINGLE pattern of shot on BOTH the right side of the face AND the left chest? Gee, just asking?*

Please note that the *Gee, just asking* has irony in it.

The same kind of irony that was in the last line:

*...do all persons on this planet walk around as stiffly as stick figures on two-dimensional sheriff's diagrams?*

So I've repeated it to make it clear for everyone. Including MSNBC.

That's a keeper, KfK.

KfK's template is positively fool-proof (with the exception being the fool Keith Olbermann).

Go down to the little calendar on this page and hit any date. You'll see by Johnny's synopsis that Countdown content for that day fits precisely into the template.

Eerie...

C, JJ

You are too kind. I am currently working on the "unified conspiracy theory" which will unite all of Olby's disparate conspiracies into one mega-conspiracy. They say it can not be done, but "they" are all right wing fascists out to steal school lunches and tax the poor.

Kfk,

Some folks have already theorized that the Unified Conspiracy Theory is comprised of Poppy Bush calling Bill Clinton a member of the family.

Or is it a member of the "family"...