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"COUNTDOWN WITH KEITH OLBERMANN" (8:00 P.M.-9:00 P.M. ET)
Host: Keith Olbermann
The opening spiel featured Mister Rumsfeld and "Mister" Bush, Karl Rove, and Britney Spears. Olby suggested "Mister" Bush only accepted Rumsfeld's resignation because of the election results, and ran a clip from Rummy's short statement. The President was "grim-faced" at his presser; KO showed a clip where he was smiling. Stats were given on the makeup of the new Congress.
Mike Allen of Time was dragged in, and Olbermoronn, invoking Rule 1, advanced the notion that the timing of the Rummy announcement hurt Republicans in the election. Any good Countdown guest would hasten to agree, and Allen did not disappoint. He added that the President was "trying to be strong", and "there's a conflagration coming". Krazy Keith again tried to sell the idea that Cheney was also in danger of being escorted out, but Allen didn't bite. Nonetheless, he was great thanksed.
#4: Another clip from the Bush presser was shown here. The clips in the previous segment identified the reporters asking the questions with on-screen graphics. In the clip shown here, a reporter asked Bush about his statement of last week (Democrats' approach to Iraq means that terrorists will win). For this one clip, the reporter was not identified. Why would that be? Think it over and we'll come back to it.
Krazy Keith also cited Rush Limbaugh, claiming he admitted "lying to his faithful listeners". He did not, of course, but Monkeymann never lets truth-telling cramp his style. Followed by another exciting montage of "stay the course". More clips from
"Mister" Bush's presser closed out the segment.
In the #3 slot...oh wait, we have a matter dangling here. Why did Olbermann refuse to identify that particular reporter asking that particular question? Figure it out yet? It's not really hard, if you know the discredited sports guy like we do.
After another sterling, Pulitzer-worthy segment of "oddball", Herr Olbermann had "breaking news": the AP awarded the Virginia race to Webb. Hell, Olbermann Watch did that 18 hours ago. Then it was on to Nancy Pelosi's plan: minimum wage, 9/11 recommendations, college tuition deductions, and ethics reform. Does the latter include permitting William Jefferson (D), the most corrupt man in Congress, to take his place in the House? Somehow, KO never got around to raising that question. Neither did E.J. Dionne, who talked about people from 41's administration coming into 43's. But Krazy Keith still has blue bloggers to truckle to, so he asked Dionne:
Do the Democrats ignore at their peril the wing of their party that donated and campaigned on the promise of intensive oversight, of hearings, subpoenas, at least some oversight idea?
Oooh. Is our hero a little concerned that Ms Pelosi hasn't been sufficiently partisan for his taste? Has that first vote he admits to having cast, after years of refusing to do so because he is "nonpartisan", suddenly gone to his head? He went on to hope that the Dems would "dismantle" the Military Commissions Act. It's like, now that Keith has done his best to get them in power, the Dems are somehow obligated to address each and every one of his Speshul Komments", in order, until every last one of his demands is met. Welcome to Megalomania Theater.
Have you guessed why Keith didn't identify that reporter? This is your last chance. KO broke in again to declare that now NBC has awarded Virginia to Webb. He claimed that "officially" gives the Senate to the Democrats. It's part of a little-known codicil in the law: when Keith Olbermann reports that a state has been awarded to somebody, that makes it "official". The real election officials don't even have to bother with those pesky legalities, like finishing the count. Megalomania may have been an understatement. The brilliant wordsmith also made reference to "that margin between he [sic] and Webb". Yuck.
The #2 story: a highlight reel from the election-night coverage, Faith Hill, Carrie Underwood. #1: Britney and Kevin Federline, with the creepy Michael Musto. In the Media Matters Minute, Olby dispensed his usual treatment for ex-girlfriends (the number of which we cannot even comprehend) by attacking Laura Ingraham (conservative) for a joke she made about jamming phone lines. Rupert Murdoch, described as a "crypt-keeper" (Olbersaurus candidate) got the "worst person" award for defending the Iraq war, thus neatly filling both the conservative and Fox News slots.
And that reporter who asked "Mister" Bush an uncomfortable question about his pre-election statements? The one Olby conspiciously avoiding identifying? It was Bret Baier of Fox News. Like we said, that wasn't that hard to figure out for anyone who knows the infamous, deplorable Keith Olbermann.
Dogs that did not bark: Now that the Democrats won an election, all of sudden there was not one word about eeevil voting machines. Vote suppression? Voter fraud? Never came up. And of course nothing on the ongoing investigation into the left-leaning ACORN, even though federal indictments have been handed down. We've figured out how to solve all the problems with voting machines, fraud, and trickery. Just let the Dems win. All those problems instantly vanish! Eager to dismiss all terrorists threats as minimal, Edward R Olbermann ignored new calls for attacks on US targets. Sorry, make that "purported" calls for "purported" attacks on "purported" US "purported" targets.
Olbermann's book The book that bears Olbermann's name fell even further to #1,154 at amazon, while Mr Bill's "Culture Warrior" is at #12. At Barnes & Noble the OlbyTome sunk to #2,868, and O'Reilly's best-seller stands at #23. The Chrissy and Olby Show got a nice election-night rating for A-Mess-NBC, but it was, of course, far behind both CNN and Fox. It's an immutable law of physics: no program hosted by "Fat Ass" Olbermann will ever finish ahead of its competition on Fox. [Insert maniacally evil laugh here] Tonight's MisterMeter reading: 9 [SEVERE]