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"COUNTDOWN WITH KEITH OLBERMANN" (8:00 P.M.-9:00 P.M. ET)
Host: Keith Olbermann
Krazy Keith thundered his way through the opening spiel: chaos in Iraq, the administration's "sleepwalk", Kramer, Robert Altman, OJ, and Britney Spears. It's a powerpacked Hour of Spin for sure, dude!
Let a Democrat issue a press release and--presto!--you have a headline on Countdown. Barbara Bouncer goes after "Mister" Bush, and Olby rewards her with extensive on-screen quotes and top-of-the-hour status. This morning, during the President's motorcade, several motorcycles crashed on slick pavement. Edward R Olbermann decided this was--all together now--A Metaphor ("car wreck")! What's an Hour of Spin without a metaphor?
MSNBC's in-house expert McCaffrey said the training of Iraqis has been "under-resourced", with a lack of "political will" on the part of the Iraqi security forces. He said all three of the JCS options are nonsensical, while Olby opined that the whole thing is "extraordinary" and "unbelievable". But you want unbelievable? Here it comes, with Craig Crawford, aka Olbermann's Brain. KO said the President's plan is all "symbolism and photo-ops", and Brain chortled that Bush put the country in a straight-jacked and is himself trapped. Olby cited a "drumbeat of pressure", again noting Richard McCain's call for more troops--something McCain has been advocating for literally three years! Yet Olbermoronn thinks it's something new. Brain snickered about Congress asserting itself, and a good time was had by all.
After great thanksing the chuckler, Herr Olbermann introduced a recycled report on the Muslim clerics who were removed from a plane. Another brilliantly incisive installment of oddball preceded an in-depth, detailed analysis on: unemployment rates? The economy? The "so-called" war on terror? Wrong! The intensive focus was on Michael Richards, and just how Monkeymann was going to spin his racist outbursts. Sure enough, KO immediately started the rehab, gushing about how "quickly" Richards did his mea culpa. Funny thing, Olbermann didn't point out how the Seinfeld Season 7 DVD set was due to hit the stores the very next morning. Maybe that had something to do with how quickly Richards moved. Ya think?
Cue lefty "humorist" Shearer, as Olbermoronn came up with Excuse #1: Richards was not a stand-up comic, so:
Did you assume looking at that that he didn't know where the boundaries were?
Keith's theory: Richards was flashing back to the days of Don Rickles! Man, we couldn't make this stuff up. Olby Excuse #2: When you get heckled, you panic. Conspicuously absent from the discussion was the mantra we heard during the Mel Gibson controversy: those words came from his mind, he must really believe that if he says it, it's the end of his career he should just go away, etc. Hmm. Why did Gibson and Richards get such disparate treatments? We report, you decide.
The #2 story began with an attack on Rupert Murdoch, with KO gleefully relaying a "joke" about assassinating Murdoch. Well, at least he didn't talk about knifing him in the hamstrings. Referring to the OJ cancellations, Olby incisively observed:
Now anybody who thinks that little sleight-of-hand, through, would credit Murdoch is another story.
Huh? We tried every punctuation mark known to Funk and Wagnalls, but no combination of any of them could make that sentence coherent. Then it was on to a lengthy clip from Denise Brown about a monetary offer from Fox, Britney Spears, Madonna, Paris Hilton. #1: Robert Altman memorial (rerun video from NBC). In the Media Matters Minute, it was another attack on O'Reilly--you know, that Olbsession Krazy Keith claimed he was going to back off from. His crime was stating that the OJ project was cancelled because of outrage by the people, and that he was a messenger of that outrage. Pretty damning stuff, no? But when you're a virtual stalker, you'll take whatever you can get to feed the Olbsession.
Muted mongrels: It seems almost incredible, but it's true: Countdown completely ignored the assassination in Lebanon. Olby's ideological tilt also affects obituaries. That's why he made a big deal about lefty Altman tonight. Needless to say, Countdown didn't note the deaths of Bo Schembechler, or Nobel prize winner Milton Friedman. Herr Olbermann has yet to report that his much-hyped "war crimes" charges against Rummy are "unlikely to proceed". The arrest of 39 Talibans was dutifully ignored. And still KO refuses to tell his viewers how Jack Abramoff has pointed the finger of corruption at none other than Harry "The Body" Reid.
Olbermann's book The book that bears Olbermann's name, despite all the Monday Speshul Komment hype, slipped further to #567 at amazon, while Mr Bill's "Culture Warrior" went up to #12. At Barnes & Noble the OlbyTome circles the drain at #2,004, while O'Reilly's book is #23. And Mr Bill's literary triumph sits in the #3 slot on the New York Times Best Sellers list. The monday night Nielsens reveal that Herr Olbermann, while he narrowly squeaked out a second place finish over Paula Z, still lost overwhelmingly to The Ingraham Factor, both in total viewers and in the critical, beloved, all-important, coveted "key demo". Tonight's MisterMeter reading: 5 [ELEVATED]