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"COUNTDOWN WITH KEITH OLBERMANN" (8:00 P.M.-9:00 P.M. ET)
Host: Keith Olbermann
The infamous, deplorable Keith Olbermann returned from his long weekend in fine fettle, bellowing the opening spiel in his best carnival pitchman's voice: NBC says it's "civil war", Jack Jacobs analyzes NBC calling it "civil war", Craig Crawford predicts the impact of NBC calling it "civil war", Dana Milbank talks about the impact on "Mister" Bush of NBC calling it a "civil war", yada yada yada. Is there a theme emerging here?
The big "news" of the day was A-Mess-NBC's self-created news: Iraq will now be called a "civil war" (even though the combatants are small groups of the population, and their leaders are still working together in the central government). Given the hype from A-Mess-NBC all day long about this media-devised "news", we were left wondering why there wasn't a similar fuss when they decided that the Senator from Virginia would be called George "Macaca" Allen during their election-night coverage. But we digress.
Edward R Olbermann modestly characterized A-Mess-NBC's stunt as a "Walter Cronkite moment" before bringing in Crawford (aka Olbermann's Brain). What an impact!, chortled Brain. At Olby's urging, he predicted retaliation against A-Mess-NBC by the administration, as they both plugged Brain's poorly-selling book. After a 1984 reference, Herr Olbermann described anyone who didn't adopt A-Mess-NBC's terminology as "shills for the government", CC came up with a startlingly original insight ("The White House is in denial"), and was consequently great thanksed.
Col Jacobs stuck with the company line, and opined that Al Maliki should have gone after Al-Sadr. He said several hundred thousand additional troops would be required to get things under control. KO tried to make a VietNam analogy (to fit with the "Walter Cronkite" parallel), but the Colonel wasn't buying it. Even so, he was great thanksed.
Stretching out the self-congratulatory navel-gazing for yet another segment, Olby's #4 story was about: the "new" terminology! The hook this time was the "effect" on the Iraq Study Group. For this, we got that great foreign policy expert, Dana Milbank, sans splashy sportswear. Monkeymann talked about symbolism, how the phrase "civil war" will "echo", and whether the term will now "spread" across all the media. Right. Journalists worldwide take their cues from Michael Musto's sidekick.
After another sparkling, evanescent edition of oddball, Fat Ass Olbermann turned his sights on "Mister" Bush's Presidential Library. How dare he raise money to "spin" his legacy? The second of two "My Pet Goat" references preceded talk about a "so-called think tank" and "mega-donations". For a balanced perspective: Arianna Huffington. Using her best Count Dracula accent, she cackled about "whitewashing" and a "fund-raising feast". For his part, Krazy Keith, that great protector of freedom, suggested a federal law against private individuals spending too much (i.e. more than Herr Olbermann wants) on a library. Zsa Zsa brought up trading pardons for money, but Monkeymann didn't want to go there and changed the subject.
The #2 story was the "hail of police gunfire" in the NYC groom shooting case (via recycled NBC video). Then celebrity cops, Jack Osborne, Latoya Jackson, Erik Estrada, Borat, Pamela Anderson, Kid Rock, Britney Spears, Kevin Federline. #1: The Michael Richards fuss. In the Media Matters Minute, KO found a way to go after Mr Bill once again. If we were counting, this would be attack #133. But we're not counting.
Olbermann's book The book that bears Olbermann's name has declined to #476 at amazon, while Mr Bill's "Culture Warrior" stands at #19. At Barnes & Noble the OlbyTome circles the drain at #1,780, while O'Reilly's book it up to #17. And nine weeks since it hit the stores, Mr Bill's literary triumph is still #3 on the New York Times Best Sellers list. On Wednesday night Herr Olbermann was back in third place, both in total viewers and in the critical, beloved, all-important, coveted "key demo". Tonight's MisterMeter reading: 5 [ELEVATED]