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"COUNTDOWN WITH KEITH OLBERMANN" (8:00 P.M.-9:00 P.M. ET)
Host: Keith Olbermann
The opening spiel for a Friday: A Republican says bring the troops home (can an invite to The Hour of Spin be far behind?), the war is unpopular, Rumsfeld, the Fabulous Baker Boys Commission Report, Foley ethics, a fashion faux pas, James Kim, and mugshots. Hmm. KO is back on the FBBCR again. The weather changes quickly on OlbyPlanet: on Wednesday he was criticizing the report, on Thursday he was bashing "right-wingers" because they were criticizing the report. Which way will Weathervane Olbermann spin it next?
Krazy Keith began with a reference to...watergate! Goldwater was a hero because he asked Nixon to resign. And that connects to today how exactly? Well, you see, Sen Gordon Smith says to bring the troops home, and that shows he has "conscience", and it's like watergate because...well, because...well, Olby never did make that clear. After a lengthy clip from Smith, bad poll numbers, and a few attacks on Rummy--wherein Olby lied by saying Rumsfeld "portrayed his critics as cold war communists" when he did no such thing--the Wolffe Man creeped onto the stage.
For Rev Olbermann, Smith's speech was his latest pick for a "watershed" moment, ignoring all the previous ones which were supposedly going to radically change the war plan in Iraq. Wolffie claimed Smith was speaking "mainstream conservative opinion". Krazy Keith redirected the spin to the "petulant, belligerant" Rumsfeld commentary, and The Wolffe Man naturally rushed to parrot OlbySpin. He was great thanksed.
Then it was on to Olbermoronn's favorite felon, John Dean. You don't have to guess how this convo went. Olby: The adminsitration is "in peril". Felon: "He's in trouble". Olby: He has an "ostrich-like stance". Felon: "He's in a lot of trouble". Olby: It's a "cynical, disastrous" Presidency and Bush "politicized his way into Iraq". Felon: "A very political President". Olby: A "textbook case of authoritarianism" who is probably "the worst President ever". Felon: "Right down there with Richard Nixon".
After great thanksing the disbarred lawyer and serving up some boilerplate propagandizing of DNC talking points, Monkeymann turned to the Foley ethics case. A taped report from the network mothership summarized the story and Keith great thanksed the recording.
Next up: another journalistic triumph (oddball) and the annual Presidential Christmas dog video. Even on something as innocent as this, Fat Ass Olbermann could not contain his venom: it's "strained" and "painful", you know, along with being some sort of "allegory" ("metaphor" had the night off). A falling Christmas tree was "symbolic". Plus Laura Bush's dress was "hideous". How did KO forget "Up your nose with a rubber hose"?
Speaking of strained and painful, the next guest was Mo Rocca.
#2: The James Kim story (more recycled reportage from NBC), Wesley Snipes, and Chelsea Clinton. #1: Celebrities: Lindsay Lohan (KO name drops), Al Gore, Jessica Simpson, Tori Spelling, all analyzed with unbridled hilarity and uproarious laughter. In the Media Matters Minute, Keith "Man on Fan" Olbermann focused his loathing on John Gibson (Fox) for saying Iraqis are killing each other. (They're not?)
Hushed hounds: There were enough of these for a remake of 101 Dalmations. As we suspected, Edward R Olbermann said not one word about the Muslim convert indicted for plotting an explosive bloodbath at a shopping mall. What happened, was he all out of "purporteds "and "allegeds"? Jimmy Carter is caught falsifying and plagiarizing and Olby still spikes the story, even as former Carter colleagues come forward with specific accusations. When it comes to the war in Iraq, Keith is only interested in the bad; anything that doesn't fit that frame just isn't news on OlbyPlanet. If Edward R Olbermann didn't see fit to report on Milton Friedman's death, it's no shock that his disrespect for Jeane Kirkpatrick led him to the same result. And you know the discredited sports guy is never going to report this. Finally, KO still refuses to tell his viewers how Jack Abramoff has pointed the finger of corruption at none other than Sen Harry "The Body" Reid.
Olbermann's book The book that bears Olberman's name is #350 at amazon, while Mr Bill's "Culture Warrior" has risen to #14. The OlbyTome continues to struggle at Barnes & Noble where it is now down to #1,706, but O'Reilly's book is #19. And Mr Bill's literary triumph is still #3 on the New York Times Best Sellers list and on Nielsen's BookScan. Thursday's ratings found Keef up to second place again in the critical, beloved, all-important, coveted "key demo" and in total audience. Yet The Factor still had three times as many viewers. Hahahahahaha! Tonight's MisterMeter reading: 1 [LOW]