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"COUNTDOWN WITH KEITH OLBERMANN" (8:00 P.M.-9:00 P.M. ET)
Host: Keith Olbermann
Ho hum. Another Countdown, another opening spiel: Rummy's last day, Tim Johnson update, Tony Snow apologizes (didn't he just do this yesterday?) and what the "right wing" says about it, Laura "disses" Condi, and 2006's favorite baby names. We suspect that "Keith" is way down on that list. But on to a farcical Hour of Spin that found Olbermoronn seizing on the most trivial possible concerns in a manner so desperate that it approached self-parody.
The infamous, deplorable Keith Olbermann started out by rattling off past Secretaries of Defense, asking how soon before Rummy "is forgotten". His departure ceremony looked like it took place "in an alternate universe". Hey, leave OlbyPlanet out of this! Then it was on to why is "Mister" Cheney not speaking more. Yeah, that's the burning question that's on the lips of everyone from coast to coast.
Enter Dana Milbank, shorn of screwy shrouds. Herr Olbermann immediately launched into a classic leading question, invoking Rule #1 (it's bad for Bush or Republicans) while simultaneously advancing every principle of OlbySpin:
With the nation at war, giving every indication that the nation will stay at war for some time to come, in, in which universe does it help "Mister" Bush to say that he is not losing any sleep at night?
No, we're not making this up. Krazy Keith's lead story is that the President is in political trouble because he doesn't have insomnia! Even DM had to chuckle at the insipid doltishness of that query, and it was left to whatever reporter's bones that haven't been compromised by appearances on The Hour of Spin for Dana to point out that Bush said that because he was asked if he uses sleeping pills. Gawd, this all-consuming mystery has finally been cleared up!
KO, of course, who bashes other people for wishing ill on their political opponents, came right back with: "There's always pretzels". A class guy. He went on to call the departure ceremony a "coronation". You can tell this is a Friday and Monkeymann is desperate. What, they shouldn't have a brass band? Maybe just an organ grinder and a monkey? This is what The Future of Television is reduced to kvetching about? Then Olby got into another earth-shaking controversy about an old Time Man of the Year cover, because the White House is "grasping at straws", and...and...forget it. It was all just too mind-numbingly surreal to waste our valuable server space on. Dana was great thanksed, presumably for not erupting in derisive laughter at the inanity of the questions.
Then it was back to yesterday's news, Tony Snow's apology to David Gregory. Craig Crawford, aka Olbermann's Brain, was dragged in to explain why the "right-wing media" haven't given this Great Moment in History sufficient coverage. Brain chortled that he was "stunned" by the apology, and snickered that "the public's getting on to this game". KO went back to the "allies of the White House" who attacked NBC, and while he tried several times to get Brain to elaborate on the "right-wing media" who weren't covering the apology, neither of them gave one single example. In fact, the only example Brain gave was of an unnamed member of the "right-wing media" that did cover it. Long story short, Herr Olbermann's entire premise was false, unproven, and a prime exemplification of OlbySpin.
After great thanksing Brain there was a brief update about "signs of improvement" for Sen Johnson, who may "shortly return to the Senate". Ahem, when Slippery Shuster was citing his "sources" and intoning gloom and doom for the Senator's health on Monday, we immediately noted that was probably the best news Johnson could hear. Shuster wrong again? How about that.
#4: Laura Bush's interview with People magazine, which Olbermoronn deliberately misrepresented to create a titillating headline. When asked about Condi Rice running for President, Laura said she didn't think Condi would run:
Probably because she is single, her parents are no longer living, she's an only child. You need a very supportive family and supportive friends to do this job.
Here is how Olbermann reported Mrs Bush's answer:
The answer is simple: she has not got a man.
Gee, now what do you suppose the slovenly political hack was implying with that? Does Keith Olbermann get more repellent and despicable every day? Please, do not flood us with emails. Rhetorical question only. Leftist Margaret Carlson entered to take Olby's absurd hypothesis to new heights of pseudo-intellectual armchair psychoanlysis. Mrs Bush thinks being single is "a terrible thing". She sounds like she thinks "these are pathetic things to be". Condi is "the daughter that Bush doesn't have". All but giving a wink and a nod to the camera, she added that among "family values" types, being unmarried at that age is "odd" and "they don't know where to place you". KO added that the "right-wing media" (obviously The Phrase of the Night) would have condemned Hillary if she had said what Laura said. Which might be why the left-wing media (Olby) condemned Laura.
Yes, we have graduated from the eeevils of a President who doesn't suffer from insomnia to a First Lady who thinks family and friends are a good thing. What will be the next explosive scandal to be exposed to the world by Fat Ass Olbermann?
#3: Mid-air collision (two servings of regurgitated video from NBC). #2: Missing mountain climbers (more reruns), Buck O'Neil, Oprah. #1: The top baby names.
In the Media Matters Minute, Keith "Man on Fan" Olbermann attacked Fred Barnes (conservative) for saying that doctors' public reports on politicians are sometimes not true. Oddly, KO did not include Slippery Shuster, who on Wednesday was far more of a doomsayer than Fred was. This would be Olbypocrisy Example #529.
Then it was on to an O'Reilly attack, something he said about Toys for Tots and Seattle that was "flat out lying again". But great researcher Olbermann left a few things out. He didn't directly quote O'Reilly. He didn't state where O'Reilly said it, or when. You'd think this info would be easy to lift from Media Matters, but it turns out they have nothing on this alleged statement. Neither does another favorite source: ThinkProgress. How could they both have missed this? So whom did Keith lift it from, without attribution? Surprise, it was another blue blog: HuffPo. And guess what? The writer there also gave no source, no time frame, and no venue. And with Mr Bill not even on the air yesterday or today...well, color us skeptical. Come up with some documentation or proof, Fat Ass. You've lied about O'Reilly so many times that's the least you could do.
Silent schnauzers: Edward R Olbermann continues to ignore what appears to be a prima facie case of prosecutorial misconduct in the Duke LaCrosse matter. Need we point out that the prosecutor in question is a (D)? (The discredited sports guy has even invented a self-serving explanation of his handling of this story. Unfortunately at its heart it's just another Olbermann lie, which we shall dissect in a separate post.) Dozens of Pakistanis were arrested trying to sneak into the US under false pretenses. Olby won't tell you about it because he's too busy denying that terror threats require border security. Sales better than expected catapulting the market to another all time high? Nah, that's not news on The Hour of Spin. Still not even a "worst person" nomination for Joy Behar, and nothing on the FBI alert issued on news of the blind sheik's ill health. Finally, KO has yet to tell his viewers how Jack Abramoff implicated Sen Harry Reid.
Olbermann's book The book that bears Olberman's name is down to #364 at amazon, while Mr Bill's "Culture Warrior" is #16. The OlbyTome stands at #1,706 at Barnes & Noble, but O'Reilly's book is #21, and is #3 on the New York Times Best Sellers List. In the Thursday cable news race, Herr Olbermann was not up against his nemesis, but even so, The Kasich Factor beat Olby by more than two to one, though with Mr Bill off on assignment, the discreted sports guy did manage second place, even in the critical, beloved, all-important, coveted "key demo". Tonight's MisterMeter reading: 3 [GUARDED]