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"COUNTDOWN WITH KEITH OLBERMANN" (8:00 P.M.-9:00 P.M. ET)
Host: Keith Olbermann
Olbermoronn was in hog heaven as he orated the opening spiel: subpoenas approved, GonzalesGate, clip of Leahy (D), clip of the AG, plugs for the disbarred lawyer and Leahy, Mrs Edwards's cancer, true crime, and the latest American Idol "scandal" [Ding!]. Man, talk about the devaluing of language. All this and, sadly, more on a Thursday Hour of Spin.
#5: A "scandal" [Ding!] evoking Watergate [Ding!], just like Nixon [Ding!]. It's a true Watergate [Ding!] comparison with felon Dean. But first, the AG is staying in his job "apparently for the sake of the children" (Blue Blog Source: Think Progress). Subpoenas authorized, but not yet issued. Specter (R) ridiculed. Clip of Specter vs Leahy. Clip of Tony Snow.
Then the Dem of the Day: Leaky Leahy, who got Great Thanksed before he said a single word. [Gaze upon The List again and be further amazed.] Edward R Olbermann honed in with scalpel-like questioning worthy of Perry Mason:
The answer to that last question was, based on Leaky's evasion, "no", but Olby let Leaky ramble on in lengthy narratives, with nary a follow-up or critical inquiry to be heard.
Then it was on to John Dean with "this White House in Crisis". Wait a minute. Stop the tivo! Where have we heard that before? Let's do an OlbyFlashback:
Like we said, devaluing the language. But we digress. Back to the latest meeting of Rev Olbermann's Criminal Rehabilitation Program, with convicted felon Dean there to compare GonzalesGate with Watergate [Ding!]. Or, as the graphic read, "worse than Watergate" [Ding!]. The US attorney "scandal" [Ding!] and its parallels to you-know-what. Nixon! [Ding!] Watergate! [Ding!] Felon Dean claimed only conversations with the President are protected by executive privilege (one of the dangers of getting your legal advice from a disbarred lawyer is that he might spew patent nonsense). The criminal speculated with a lot of weasel words, and eagerly bit when Fat Ass tossed him a softball about the power of the executive branch. The felon blamed everything on Nixon [Ding!](check!), Reagan (check!), Bush (check!), and Bush (check!). Hmm. Is there a pattern there? We report, you decide. The disbarred lawyer went on about the "tip of the iceberg", and his brilliant way with the English language so impressed Olbermoronn that he Great Thanksed him for his "insights". Gag.
#3: Mrs Edwards's cancer, at first handled with delicacy and solemnity. (We leave it to others to compare and contrast with Monkeymann's demeanor when reporting on the health of Dick Cheney.) But then Keith had to make it all about him, trumpeting how Mrs Edwards once confided to Olbermahn how happily she thought of her late son whenever she watched Keith on tv. "She wanted to thank me for that memory." Of course she did. Cillizza echoed Olby's claim that nobody in politics is held in as much regard as she is, and they batted around the implications. Great thanks.
#2: True crime (regurgitated NBC reportage), Bill Jefferson Clinton, Paul McCartney. #1: Even still more American Idol stuff, with Olby not even getting that right (confusing the "bottom three" with the "bottom two"). In the Media Matters Minute, "comedian Rush Limbaugh", plus another shot at Glenn Beck for referring to Rosie O'Donnell as a "fat witch" (Blue Blog Source: Media Matters). It's "weightphobia", according to Monkeymann. Glenn, Glenn. We told you. You have to use terms like slut, c-nt, whore, fat ass, fatso, psychotic, circular, and schmuck. Stick with name-calling that is Certified Olbermann Approved. You see, then it's not "weightphobia". Then it's "the future of television news".
Muted mongrels: Herr Olbermann loves to blow about government spending, bellowing about "your tax dollars at work" when it's something that might embarrass one of his enemies. Like the Republican Congress. Like the staff of the Republican Congress. Like Sen Stevens (R). Or the US Military. Or Tony Snow. Or Bush. And yet, "Man on Fan" Olbermann has said not one critical word about the outrageous pork doled out by Nancy Pelosi for everyone from peanut farmers to spinach producers as bribes to get them to back her latest Iraq war bill. Meanwhile, terrorists who killed US troops have been captured; apparently Olbermahn could care less.
Olbermann's book The book that bears Olbermann's name is #9,016 at amazon.com, while "Culture Warrior" is #206. (It's that 2-for-$25 sale!) The OlbyTome is #3,154 at Barnes & Noble; O'Reilly's book is #1,009 there. Wednesday's Hour of Spin sunk like a cement block in quicksand. The infamous, deplorable one finished in a miserable fourth place, both in total viewers and in the critical, beloved, all-important, coveted "key demo". There is no joy on OlbyPlanet. Mighty Olby has struck out. The MisterMeter had the night off.