"COUNTDOWN WITH KEITH OLBERMANN" (8:00 P.M.-9:00 P.M. ET)

Host: Keith Olbermann

Topics/Guests:

• PRES. BUSH UNDER FIRE: Jonathan Alter, Newsweek senior editor and MSNBC political analyst; John Dean, author of "Conservatives without Conscience" and fmr. Nixon White House counsel
• VOTEVET.ORG GENERAL SPEAKS OUT: Gen. John Batiste, U.S. Army (ret)
• ATTORNEY GENERAL GONZALES ON CAPITOL HILL: Craig Crawford, Congressional Quarterly columnist and MSNBC political analyst
• OLBERMANN'S "FAMILY GUY" DEBUT: Alex Borstein, plays Lois Griffin on "Family Guy"

If you thought last night was a romp, look at tonight's. The Lefty Sock Puppet. The esteemed and highly regarded convicted felon. Gen. John Batiste! Did he say anything about his contradictory statements? Did Keith grill him on such matters? Does Keith not have a man crush on himself? As if his Speshul Komment's were not self indulgent enough, we had a whole segment devoted to his "debut" on the liberal lovefest known as "Family Guy." Olbersturmfuhrer bellowed as if he never had before, well, not really. "Alarm Clocks" ringing, the President being read the "riot act" by the "gang of eleven." Clip of Tony Snow. Keith sympathy for Gen. Batiste. Gonzo-gate [Ding!]. "Greatest Family Guy ever," declares Olby.

#5: The "gang of eleven" trying to make themselves look good. The President now knows he has no credibility on Iraq. He's hoping for credibility by dropping by the Pentagon. Clip of the President acquiesing to benchmarks. Keith actually calls a measure calling for troops to come home in 90 days as "liberal." I nearly died. Bring in Howard Fineman opine that a "giant supertanker" is turning around inch by inch. Not much interesting going on here. Fineman departs, Oralmann quotes Tony Snow saying the meeting of the "moderate Republicans" with "Mister" Bush should not be viewed as the march up to Nixon [Ding!]. Funny, here comes the infamous felon John Dean! Keith tries to land a funny one about how they are not going to talk about "Mister" Bush leaving because it's clear the Attorney General is not going to resign. No, really, Jabba, please make more thinly veiled comments as to how you really feel. Your show is truly an objective hard news program as you suggest. Ted Baxter asks the Felon where the "truth is" regarding the meeting of the "gang of eleven" and whether or not it was "grandstanding" moment or the "proverbial watershed moment." HA! The Felon is going to tell us about the truth. Naturally the sock puppet agrees with what we know Keith thinks, it's grandstanding. The disbarred lawyer does not say that per se, but he says it's to help with their constiuents. The question really is, does any of it really matter to old Olby? Republicans are naturally grandstanding, but it's a watershed moment too. The cracks are forming in the Republican party, but they're really just pandering to save their congressional seats. Seems like they just can't win no matter what the truth. Where do Democrats fit into all of this? Never mentioned once despite their pandering just to get enough votes to pass a bill to "end" the war that will get vetoed anyway. Democrats never engage in that kind of grandstanding on OlbyPlanet. The Felon drops one of Keith's favorite words, escalate [Ding!] vis a vis Lyndon Johnson and Vietnam. Great thanks.

#4: Countdown exclusive: General John Batiste (Ret.). Keith implies that Batiste was forced out a la McClellan by President Lincoln. Adam's Apple Olbermann is honored by his presence on his show. He should be. Keith can barely get anyone to appear. KO reminds us that Batiste is a "die hard Republican." Gotta make sure the viewers are not yet convinced that the Republican party is collapsing. Sadly for Keith, the General is not terribly concerned with timelines and troop withdrawls. Rather, he is arguing that it was a failed strategy and is not part of anti-war group. Olbermahn's heart nearly broke. Though he did agree that the "gang of eleven" was a "watershed moment." Funny, 4 of those 11 congressmen were targeted by General Batiste's ads. So what is it? Watershed? Grandstanding? Aghhhhh I can't figure out OlbyLogic. Great thanks for your time and Great thanks for your service.

Oddball: Insult Britney now that someone "stupider" has been found. Nanny 911 on Fox has idiot viewers. Stupid phone call to 911 asking for a nanny coupled with a comparison to the Attorney General's staff.

Newsmakers: John Paul May, Rickey Henderson, The Love Bug 2 "marital aid." Perhaps he got one for Ms. Tur.

#3: Gonzo-Gate [Ding!. Comparison clips from April and may. Clip of very liberal Rober Wexler (D) going after Gonzales. Second clip. Wexler going hysterical. No clip of a Republican. Another clip of a Democrat. Craig Crawford makes a knee slapping joke. Takes a slap at Rudy on abortion as if that had any relation to the topic at hand. Democrats can't get the goods, if there are any (amazing admission by Mr. Crawford) to for the Attorney General out. Another snooze inducing Great Thanksed "analysis."

Commercial break: Keith applauds himself for being on Family Guy, Bill-O attack as a "cartoon always" (attack #170 some) who's going to be worst person in the world for that night.

#2: Regurgitated video from HQ on Mickey Mouse being used by Hamas to indoctrinate children.

Keeping Tabs: Kiki gets the boot from American Idol. Paula Abdul "claps like a seal" (attack on a woman #8 zillion), Dale Earnhardt Junior.

#1: Keith hypes his appearance on Family Guy as if anyone cares. Alex Borstein and Fat Ass have a lefty love fest. Keith calls Family Guy "brilliant." I wonder why Wikipedia has this: criticism. Is it because Seth MacFarlane is a vehement liberal who mocks "Mister" Bush as much as possible? Is it because the entire episode is really a thinly veiled attack on eeeeeeeevil oil companies and the supposed use of September 11th to further Republican attempts at getting elected. MonkeyMann agrees with Ms. Borstein that it's "scary how close to reality it is." Hm. I wonder. Keith hopes that a Bill-O cameo, not played by him, will make an appearance in the episode. Does it ever end with Olbersturmfuhrer? Great thanks.

In the Media Matters minute, the incredibly liberal News Hour with Jim Lehrer producers for having Melanie Morgan on to counter "our friend" Jon Soltz (Blue Blog Source: Media Matters). "Chemical Warfare Department" (who?) for leaving toxins in Oklahoma (Blue Blog Source: Rachel Maddow Blog via the Associated Press). The gold: Olbsession Bill-O of "Fox Noise" - HA! - with funny voice for calling off his boycott of France (Blue Blog source: Media Matters) and bringing up a mistake O'Reilly made THREE YEARS AGO. Find new material Keith, for the love of god. At least smear O'Reilly with something different.

Olbermann's book The book that bears Olbermann's plummeted to #4,275 at amazon.com, but "Culture Warrior" is #619. (It's that 2-for-$25 sale!) The OlbyTome continues its streak of not ranking; O'Reilly's book is #827 there, and is one of the top five books of 2006 per Publishers Weekly. Wednesday's Hour of Spin managed an impressive second place finish in total viewers (by 83k over Ms. Zahn). As we know, "Man on Fan" Olbermann prefers that "money demo" that he fantasizes about. Based on that, Wednesday's Hour of Spin fell even further to the laughable, embarrassing and utterly atrocious fourth place finish, in the critical, beloved, all-important, coveted "key demo." Second, anyone? Speshul Komment, anyone? Tonight's MisterMeter reading: 3 [GUARDED]