"COUNTDOWN WITH KEITH OLBERMANN" (8:00 P.M.-9:00 P.M. ET)

Host: Keith Olbermann

Topics/Guests:

• WAR ON TERROR POLITICS: Jonathan Alter, Newsweek senior editor and MSNBC political analyst; Lt. Cmdr. Charles Swift, U.S. Navy defense lawyer
• LONDON BOMB THWARTED: Evan Kohlmann, MSNBC terrorism analyst and founder of globalterroralert.com
• REPUBLICANS AND PETS: Mo Rocca, TV personality and author of "All the Presidents' Pets"

The opening spiel began, of course, with the shocking, unexpected news that Democrats are against the Iraq War. Top story of the night on OlbyPlanet. Plus Gitmo, featuring a lawyer who defends terrorists. The London bomb "scare": see, it wasn't interrogation or wiretaps, it was found by happenstance. Therefore, we don't need to interrogate? OlbyLogic. Another attack on Rupert Murdoch--in which we catch Edward R Olbermann lying to his gullible viewers once again-- and why Republicans hate pets. No, we didn't make that up. It could only be concocted on a casual Friday at The Hour of Spin.

#5: Democrats are against the Iraq war. Dan Olbermann asked Alter what happens when the President tries to "demonize" Democrats. Even on a Friday, OlbyPlanet is always spinning. Lefty said "the surge isn't working", based on his on-the-ground observations and intelligence sources far beyond those of Gen Petraeus. Great thanks.

Then, "White House in Crisis" [Ding!]. The Supreme Court will hear arguments from Gitmo detainees. Terrorist defender Swift thinks it's a great idea for prisoners of war to get trials. Just like the hundreds of thousands in World War II did, right? Just like all the POWs we captured in VietNam, right? Um, well, that didn't come up. No time, because it's the "White House in Crisis". Swift wants to close Gitmo too, because it's the "White House in Crisis".

#4: The so-called, reported, putative, ostensible, claimed, unproven, alleged, purported bomb plot. What are those people in London so concerned about? You call that a bomb? The most it would have been was a car fire. Only a slovenly political hack like Oralmann could twist news like this to fit his propaganda purposes. You will note that Evan Kohlmann, MSNBC's own terrorism expert, was scheduled to appear. But his appearance got cancelled. Maybe Oralmann got a look at his website and decided he was a bit too reality-based. Instead we got another installment of Lefty Olby and Crazy Larry, with the deranged, discredited Larry Johnson (Blue Blog Source: Daily Kos). As predicted, Olbermoronn deliberately refused to report the connection to Al Qaeda; instead Mr Humility painted himself and his delusional guest as the only informed commenters because all those other terrorism experts you see on tv have a "vested interest in there being terrorism". Um, Mr Kohlmann, Krazy Keith is talking about you. Only Edward R Olbermann would cancel and then insult his network's own experts because their views aren't acceptable to the blue blogs! 'Nuff said.

#3: Rupert Murdoch attack part two. KO pretended like this was his own reportage when actually he just lifted stuff from the New York Times. Of course, since it's Fox, Fat Ass has to twist, distort, and misrepresent. He can't help it. It's in his nature. So when Murdoch says Brit Hume on Special Report gives the news "absolutely straight", Olby pulls out a clip of Hume giving an opinion on something. What is Edward R Olbermann not telling us? The clip was not from Special Report, but from an entirely different program where Hume was a guest and was asked his opinion on something. Another Stinking Olbermann Lie. Will the Olbypologists defend this too?

#2: The iPhone, Britney Spears, Joel Siegel. #1: Republicans hate pets, with the uproarious Mo Rocca. In the Media Matters Minute, CNN because they're letting Glenn Beck fill in for a week (Blue Blog Source: Media Matters), and "Coultergeist" (virtually verbatim Blue Blog Source: TV Newser).

If it's Friday, it's our weekly assessment of Olbermann's masculinity. Over the past week Monkeymann has attacked Fox and right-wing pundits 18 times. His primary source (Media Matters) criticized MSNBC six times, but Olby criticisms of MSNBC totalled: zero. That makes this week's Olbermann Manhood Quotient: -36 [limp].

Olbermann's book The book that bears Olbermann's name roars along at #3,583 at amazon.com, while "Culture Warrior" is #583. (It's that 2-for-$25 sale!) The OlbyTome remains buried below the ranking radar at Barnes & Noble; O'Reilly's book is #1,128 there, and is one of the top five books of 2006 per Publishers Weekly. Tonight's MisterMeter reading: 1 [LOW]

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On his Thursday radio program, constitutional attorney Mark Levin had a few comments about the infamous, deplorable Keith Olbermann, specifically his appearance with David Letterman. We have the audio clip for your listening pleasure, enhanced with Keithy's theme song:

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"COUNTDOWN WITH KEITH OLBERMANN" (8:00 P.M.-9:00 P.M. ET)

Host: Keith Olbermann

Topics/Guests:

• WHITE HOUSE CRISIS: David Shuster, MSNBC political correspondent; John Dean, fmr. Nixon White House counsel and author of "Worse Than Watergate"
• IRAQ: Richard Wolffe, Newsweek senior White House correspondent and MSNBC political analyst

Big line up tonight. Slippery Shuster, Felon Rehabilitation, the "White House in Crisis." Stop the tivo! Where have we heard that before and with whom was Olbersturmfuhrer speaking? Let's do an OlbyFlashback:

• White House Crisis. The US Attorney scandal [Ding!], GonzalesGate [Ding!] ( 22 March 2007)
• White House in crisis. The president says his government thwarted a terrorist plot against the tallest building in Los Angeles. (9 Feb 2006)
• This week could bring indictments against senior members of his administration... is it, in fact, the White House in crisis?(24 Oct 2005)
• A White House truly in crisis. (13 Mar 2007)
• The White House in crisis. The president's crisis, what to do about the fresh hell of the Middle East. (17 July 2006)
• The rundown for tonight's show was given a title by our producer that shook me. The title simply was, "White House in Crisis." (20 Oct 2005)

Is the White House ever NOT in crisis on OlbyPlanet? Not any day I can recollect. I welcome the hour of spin with champagne in hand.

8PM - P2+ (25-54)
The O'Reilly Factor - 2,543,000 viewers (491,000)
Paula Zahn - 610,000 viewers (189,000)
Countdown w/ Olbermann - 690,000 viewers (245,000)
Fast Money - 227,000 viewers (60,000)
Nancy Grace - 1,015,000 viewers (331,000)

Keith "Solid Second" Olbermann strikes again. Keep up the good work.

Source



Bathtub Boy bellowed as ususal. The Bush Administration is fighting subpoenas citing "executive privilege" - god forbid! Dan Bartlett shares his "regret": Keith's favorite: Mission Accomplished. Rupert Murdoch aka Fox "Noise" attack; even more Paris Hilton coverage and a plug for Keith's apperance on Letterman. Oh boy.

#5: Olbersturmfuhrer is in swivet over the now defunct "warrantless domestic surveillance program" which actually went after international phone calls. Clip of TV hog Chuck Schumer (D) citing Nixon [Ding!] Bring in Slippery Shuster, Mr. Countdown to Resignation that never happened. Discussion of Solicitor General Paul Clement citing Executive Privilege, something something and another. Deep conspiracy here that this humble and not intoxicated correspondent does not terribly grasp. This may be a lefty blogosphere conspiracy. President Cheney is still not doing as the House asks. Some measure to take away funds was a lot closer than many expected. Whoopee. Great reporting. Slippery Shuster slips in some "anonymous" Republican sources who are dumbfounded by the Vice President's behavior. Great thanks.



Bizarre Keith Olbermann graphic to plug himself bringing in the esteemed felon John Dean who Hauptmann feels "privileged" to be with. Standards are getting low these days at Countdown. Jabba opines that since the attorneys are appointed by the President are not able to be independent and if they were they'd be fired - thus! - the entire government is stacked in favorite of the White House! Such logic! Forget the fact that tons of positions need to be approved by the DEMOCRATIC Senate. It's a massive right wing conspiracy. Dean advocates calling a Special Counsel which we know Democrats love (hence why the whole idea of a Special Counsel was killed a few years back). Adam's Apple brings up the "Saturday Night Massacre" as if that happened now. A watershed [Ding!] Nixonian [Ding!] moment has been reached. Bringing up "Dick" Cheney and polls which um, have nothing to do with anything, suggest that the VP should be impeached. The Felon Parrot totally agrees. The felon further asserts that the charges against B.J. Clinton were "trumped" up. Dean is now a "veteran" of the "White House in Crisis" (#9000xxxxx). Great thanks.

#4: More cute graphics and music about the "White House in Crisis." Dan Bartlett has an apparent "mea culpa" vis a vis the "Mission Accomplished" speech which were never spoken. Major combat operations were over, not the war. But that matters not on OlbyPlanet. Mr. Bartlett calls it a benign mistake. Wolffe Man comes to play sock puppet. Some back and forth about who was at fault behind the banner. Wolffie opines that Iraq is a POLICY problem, not a PR problem. Gee. Really. Anything more incisive Wolffie? Perhaps all of the leftists thought it was a policy problem? More rapport on being "out of touch." Fox Noise attack that Roger Ailes might be part of the PR campaign out of the White House. Wolffe believes it's all about exit, not about success. Questions abound how the White House deals with "Cheney comma Dick." Surprisingly, Wolffe Man does not see what the big fear is which prompts Olby to make a joke about the VP's accidental shooting.

Oddball: Some golfers come across a stripper on the course. Perv joke on "divots." Police chase. Rupert Murdoch teaser of "part 1 of the investigation."

Newsmakers: Someone from Indonesia on marijuana. Dumb criminal. People who stole a cell phone.

#3: NewsCorp, the most eeeeeeevil monopoly on the planet trying to sway people to conservative causes. Subtle anti capitalist themes here because the buyer of a newspaper might be a conservative. "Man on Fan" uses a dying man from 1994 to prove his point about how eeeeeevil Mr. Murdoch is. Clip of Bill-O who is "libeling" NBC as "left-wing." Really? That's libel? What are you Olbermann, not liberal, just "right?" Of course, that's what you said. Citing of the NY Times as more proof of how evil Murdoch is. Keithy gets quite intolerant at the idea of even more capitalist behavior of buying newspapers and other media outlets. Accuations of "towing the Chinese line" which is quite surprising given that Mr. Murdoch is some far right wing extremist. Which one is he, Fat Ass? An evil capitalist or an opportunist? Another plug of Keith on Letterman.

#2: Nearly finished my champagne, I am managing through this story. Surprisingly, an advertisement for the liberal "The Nation" magazine before story #2. Keith admits this story has no value whatsoever (aka filler) but he shows clips of himself from his appearance on Letterman. Ask yourself, is it cheapness? Is it ego? Is it both? Who knows! Keith makes more pervert jokes on Letterman on blow dolls (sorry, not glory holes).

Keeping Tabs: Spice Girls reunion. Lindsay Lohan's DUI shows alcohol and cocaine in her system when she had an accident.

#1: Breaking News: Paris Hilton is boring. Attacks on Ms. Hilton for appearing on a program that absolutely destroyed Olbi-Wan-Kenobi in the ratings. Strange silence ensues on Oralmann's program. He fills in his inability to have anything meaningful to say with clips with Paris. Enter pervert glory-hole fan Michael Musto. He plays sock puppet and insults Paris as much as possible. Fortunately, Mr. Musto admits his book sucked too but he at least wrote it. Congrats. If I give you any more of this perv interview, you might vomit. Have a good night. Ok, I have finished my bottle. I am done for the evening. Thank you for reading.

In the Media Matters minute, I, Robot corporation for some dopey reason. Silver: Ileana Ros-Lehtinen for daring to question Gen. John Batiste for appearing in VoteVets.org ads. I couldn't find Olby's source for this. Gold: Bill-O! We needed one eeeeeeeeevil would be conservative for his commentary. Apparently, suggesting that associating with people who are chaotic and dangerous is bad for you somehow means you are arguing you are responsible for your own murder. Of course, Mr. O'Reilly said nothing of the sort. He was merely making the point that one has to be careful with whom they associate. But on OlbyPlanet, that means are suggesting they are responsible for their own murder! (Blue Blog source: Walktaken).



Olbermann's book The book that bears Olbermann's rocketed to #3,577 on amazon.com (necessitating a 70% off sale - ha!), but "Culture Warrior" is #661. (It's that 2-for-$25 sale!) The OlbyTome continues its hilarious streak of not ranking; O'Reilly's book is #1,121 there, and is one of the top five books of 2006 per Publishers Weekly. Wednesday's Hour of Spin managed a laughable and typical third place place finish in total viewers as well as that "money demo" Olbsession. Tonight's MisterMeter reading: 3 [GUARDED]

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"COUNTDOWN WITH KEITH OLBERMANN" (8:00 P.M.-9:00 P.M. ET)

Host: Keith Olbermann

Topics/Guests:

• V.P. DICK CHENEY: Jonathan Turley, George Washington University law professor and constitutional law expert; Eugene Robinson, Washington Post columnist and MSNBC analyst
• PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE RUDY GIULIANI ATTACKS PRES. BILL CLINTON: Wayne Barrett, senior editor of Village Voice and author of "Grand Illusion: The Untold Story of Giuliani and 9/11"
• PARIS HILTON: Chuck Nice, VH-1's "Best Week Ever"

Just seconds into the opening spiel and we got the first "dick" reference, and a "St Rudy" bit that absolutely demands detailed analysis.

Rudy dared to criticize Bill Jefferson Clinton, a huge no-no on OlbyPlanet. Rudy said B.J. treated the first trade center attack as a crime rather than an act of war. Aha! Olbermahn's got him now, and cackled about how Rudy didn't treat it as an act of war either. Um, is Keithy Boy really this stupid? Does he believe mayors of cities can engage in warfare with foreign enemies? Do they have armies? How exactly would the mayor of New York pursue this "war"? Does Bathtub Boy spend even ten seconds on the logic of what he says, or does he just spout whatever sounds good to the gullible blue blog buffs?

But we digress. The spiel also brought us funny babies, the iPhone, Paris Hilton, and other noxious trivia. Yeah, it looks like it's time to lard on the celebrities and embrace the fluff. Those Nielsens have to be elevated somehow; they are entirely too limp.

#5: The White House won't release documents about "warrantless eavesdropping"; Olbermoronn doesn't mention that this program was discontinued months ago. Then he bitched a bit about why President Cheney doesn't have to turn over documents to some archivist, a lead-in to tonight's episode of Olby and The Perfessor. Predictably, the Perfessor found another "federal crime" he could pin on Bush--it wouldn't be a Perfessor appearance without him cooking up something on that stove. We'll tell you what neither of these Einsteins bothered to mention. Neither the Vice-President nor the President has to turn over documents to an inferior executive officer. It's a little thing called chain of command. Lesson over. Great thanks. More Cheney bashing with Robinson followed.

#4: Rudy throws Bill Clinton "under the bus" [Ding!]. Yes, it's back to Project Rudy, Herr Olbermann's attempt to SwiftBoat Giuliani, tonight with the help of a rabid, long-time Rudy basher. Real journalists, media critics, and people who believe in the true legacy of Edward R Murrow might wonder why Oralmann never actually talks to Giuliani. Or a spokesman. Why doesn't anyone ever get to says anything in defense of Rudy? Ah, but then you see, you wouldn't have propaganda. You'd have journalism. And that isn't allowed on The Hour of Spin. So we get Sir Olbermahn riding in on his white horse to do a hatchet job on Rudy, who committed the unpardonable sin: he criticized Bill Clinton. His Rudy-hating guest (identified as someone who "covered" Giuliani, concealing his own blatant partisanship) played along. It got to the point where Olby started quizzing his sock-puppet about Giuliani's personal religious faith. Hey, nothing is beyond the pale when a Monkeymann target has an (R) after his name. Of course, no interview with Giuliani. Or a supporter. Or a spokesman. Or anyone to say even one word in his behalf. That is against the law on OlbyPlanet. They name streets after guys like Oralmann: "One-Way".

#3: Another Will Farrell funny baby video, with an embedded O'Reilly attack (#202, if anyone's counting). Yes, that was the #3 story: the "funny" video (in its entirety) and a slam at Mr Bill. #2: The iPhone (regurgitated video from the ratings-challenged NBC News). Plus baseball cards (that'll grab viewers in that coveted, all-important, beloved, key demo!), and a plug for Olby on Letterman. #1: Paris Hilton.

In the Media Matters Minute, Rupert Murdoch, Rupert Murdoch (Blue Blog Source: Raw Story), and--yes--the Olbsession manifests itself for the 203rd time. The last included a marvelous Olbermann lie, where he claimed O'Reilly "authenticated" the Swift Boat charges against Kerry. He did no such thing, of course, but the statutes of OlbyPlanet state that making stuff up is permitted if it's to smear Bill O'Reilly.

It's Another Olbermann Ratings Triumph!

That lock Herr Olbermann has on second place? It looks like Nancy Grace has learned the combination.

Tuesday night 8PM - P2+ (25-54)

The O'Reilly Factor - 2,376,000 viewers (484,000)
Paula Zahn - 536,000 viewers (122,000)
Countdown w/ Olbermann - 624,000 viewers (195,000)
Nancy Grace - 901,000 viewers (332,000)

Olbermann's book The book that bears Olbermann's name roars along at #7,314 at amazon.com, while "Culture Warrior" is #657. (It's that 2-for-$25 sale!) The OlbyTome remains sunken below the ranking radar at Barnes & Noble; O'Reilly's book is #1,098 there, and is one of the top five books of 2006 per Publishers Weekly. Tonight's MisterMeter reading: 1 [LOW]

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"COUNTDOWN WITH KEITH OLBERMANN" (8:00 P.M.-9:00 P.M. ET)

Host: Keith Olbermann

Topics/Guests:

• V.P. DICK CHENEY: Rep. Rahm Emanuel (D-Ill.); Barton Gellman, Washington Post
• SEN. RICHARD LUGAR (R-IND.) TURNS ON PRES. BUSH: Dana Milbank, national political reporter for Washington Post
• PARIS HILTON RELEASED FROM JAIL: Paul F. Tompkins, VH-1's "Best Week Ever"

More "Dick" for Keith. Bring in a partisan Democrat on that. Thanks a lot "Dick." Seriously, is this guy ever going to get past his penis fascination? A Republican "turns" on the President (all he said was that he didn't think the current strategy was not working, not that he would vote with Democrats to end the war) and pervert comments galore on Paris Hilton! Glory holes anyone? More Bill O'Reilly attacks to bring up abymssal ratings. Updated And when I say abymssal, I mean it. Here are Monday's numbers:

8PM - P2+ (25-54)
The O'Reilly Factor - 2,717,000 viewers (529,000)
Paula Zahn - 683,000 viewers (198,000)
Countdown w/ Olbermann - 624,000 viewers (200,000)
Fast Money - 261,000 viewers (99,000)
Nancy Grace - 1,000,000 viewers (311,000)

Fourth overall and barely clinging to third in the demo. Number Two Olbermann strikes again.

Source

#5: Apparently, on OlbyPlanet, the Vice President has declared that he is no longer part of the Execuative Branch. I'm not terribly clear where Olby and has Laughing Stagehand got their information on "Mister" Cheney declaring such, but he has anyway. Moving along. Keithy expresses tacit sympathy for disgraced and indicted Congressman Jefferson because "Mister" Cheney played some role in his indictement. What the role is is not clear, either. None of that matters. The Spin Zone is all about innuendo. Bring Rahm Emanuel in who does not disagree with ANYTHING Olbersturmfuhrer asserts. Emanuel gets to filibuster like any Democrat does in OlbyLand. Of course, they sneak in the idea that Cheney is Bush's brain by suggesting he makes "every decision." Enter Keith the constitutional scholar asserting the Vice President, again, acts like the President. Of course says Emanuel. Could the parrot get any better? I'll be honest, I am not in the mood to really dissect this whole "affair" that Olby stole from the Washington Post. The funny part is that Hauptmann failed to mention all the criticisms that Washington Post leveled against the do-nothing Democratic Congress. Great Thanks.

Bring in Mr. Barton Gellman for more buttressing of Fat Ass's fascination with the eeeeeevil Vice President. Mr. Gellman SHOCKINGLY asserts that the Vice President aligns himself with the President's innitiatives despite not agreeing with them on No Child Left Behind and such. NO WAY. THE VICE PRESIDENT? THE MAN WHO IS PICKED TO BE ON THE TICKET? I am blown away. Throw in a cute baseball reference on Cheney's "batting average." I don't get it. I think I am too simple minded for Fat Ass. More blabbing on what the office does. Again, to be honest with you readers, I don't have the patience to dissect this whole thing. It seems to me that Olby and his lackeys have completely stolen this story from the Washington Post which he (Olby) has muddled into some evil conspiracy by the Vice President to hide documents or something. Really, it's an examination on the role of the Vice President. Jabba wants to make it out like a grand conspiracy of the Vice President's to hide something. Whatever. Thanks for your time.

#4: WHOAH - right off the bat. Logic - OlbyLogic - suggests that taking soldiers out of Iraq is the best way to protect them. Thanks Keith. I'm glad you said that because you treated the Fort Dix story like it was a joke. No danger presented there at home. Without a doubt, Iraq is more dangerous. But in my opinion, Adam's Apple is not really interested in the "soldier's safety", but rather ending what he sees as the great crime of the century - the Second Gulf War. It will makes us safer as a nation too, to bring them home. Sen. Richard Lugar is mentioned because he is concerned about the current policy - not that he has changed his position on the war cause. The number four story would naturally make it sound like Senator Lugar is interested in ending the war, which his office said does not mean he is joining Democrats on their policy. Mr. Dana Milbank chimes in to play sock puppet as usual. He gets himself over "gradual defections" like that of Sen. Chuck Hagel. There's a surprise he mentioned him because that's about all the real "defections" there are. Sen. Voinovich was thrown in there for good measure (vulnerable Republican Senator from Ohio). Milbank admits that the Democrats still don't have the votes to cut off funding. They are looking for a "middle ground." Keith thinks Democrats are playing this "relatively cautiously" which is code for not being radical enough for the DailyKos crowd. Milbank responds by saying that the Republicans leading an anti-war movement was as likely as Keith hosting the O'Reilly factor - ha!. He concedes there are only 6 or 7 "opposition" Republicans. Great thanks.

Oddball: In Peru, dressed up Guinea Pigs. Elvis impersonators.

Newsmakers: Residents of Louisville, some Police Officer, someone making crop circles in the Netherlands.

#3: Oralmann continues his Olbsession on Bill O'Reilly. Keith is incredibly excited that O'Reilly did not get into the Mets clubhouse. Wow, how important! Adam's Apple Olbermahn and his team of Laughing Stagehands play a clip of someone trying to portary O'Reilly's book as "pro-drug." Of course, why include anything refuting that? Just play anything that has someone attacking O'Reilly. I'm surprised the teleprompted didn't tell Keithy to start dropping "Dick" every other second. Olby is depressed O'Reilly was a keynote speaker at an event for journalists which naturally, Olby would never get. He only gets to speak at far left events or canceled interviews with his hereos like Valerie Wilson. Five minutes later, it's quite clear how desperate Man on Fan Olbermann is for ratings - he's still talking about O'Reilly - much to the delight of Moveon.org. Really lame "brain room" joke. This is why I am through a bottle of wine at this point.

#2: Tom Cruise does not get to do his film on Claus Von Stauffenberg - the man behind the 1944 attempt on Hitler's life. I don't really mind this segment because I think Scientology is a joke as well.

Keeping Tabs: Rosie is not going to be the Price is Right. Self promotion appearing on a Late Night Show. Congrats.

#1: Paris Hilton is freed, reunited with Tinkerbell. Thank god for this story. Tons of regurgitated video - even from MSNBC. Is Keith finally critcizing his own network? Doubtful. Michael Musto comes in to be the usual misogynist, glory hole and genital herpes referencing creep. Olby makes a "sucking up" joke and then cuts himself off. HA! I get it. Something Oralmann loves. He's in a suit tonight though - classy. Good night.

In the Media Matters minute, the silver goes to Pat Roberston for saying people agreed that Hugo Chavez should be "killed." Guess what the source was: Media Matters! Gold: oh so clever and original, Coultergeist - saying that Sen. Barack Obama should avoid words that sound bad in conjuction with his middle name: Blue Blog Source. She does not link him to terrorists, rather shouldn't use certains words. I'm not saying I agree with this assertion, but you can figure out the OlbySpin applied here. Edward R. Olbermann has not moved past his usual targets. What about all those offensive things Joe Biden said about minorities, Olbersturmfuhrer? *cue cricket sound*

Olbermann's book The book that bears Olberman's name came in at a strong position of #8,040 at amazon.com, while "Culture Warrior" is #1,037. (It's that 2-for-$25 sale!) The OlbyTome is sadly, almost painfully, unranked at at Barnes and Noble; O'Reilly's book is #1,097 there. Reliable numbers for Monday night were unavailable at this time. I am confident Olby landed in either third or fourth. Tonight's MisterMeter reading: 4 [GUARDED]

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On his radio program Monday, John Gibson discussed the current state of (MS)NBC News. In doing so he had a few comments about the infamous, deplorable Keith Olbermann. Here is an example:

The full clip can be heard here.

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"COUNTDOWN WITH KEITH OLBERMANN" (8:00 P.M.-9:00 P.M. ET)

Host: Keith Olbermann

Topics/Guests:

• V.P. DICK CHENEY: John Dean, fmr. Nixon White House counsel
• 9/11 - WHITMAN VS. GIULIANI:  Jonathan Alter, Newsweek senior editor and MSNBC political analyst
• JESSIE DAVIS MURDER: Clint van Zandt, fmr. FBI profiler and MSNBC analyst

Another opening, another spiel. "Dick's World": he's "the de facto President". The latest Giuliani attack in Olby's ongoing Project Rudy. The Ohio murder case, the great Pants suit, and Harry Potter. A pretty thin bowl of soup...maybe explains his recent ratings.

#5: KO bumbled his way through the intro about why this is really the Cheney Administration. There's "empirical evidence", sez Olby. He threw around phrases like "legally questionable" and "morally reprehensible" and whined that Bush claims he doesn't have to obey his own executive order. Of course he doesn't, Olberdunce! It's Bush's order, and he can amend it, repeal it, interpret it, or make a new one any time he feels like it. The Wolffe Man skulked in, simpered about how secretive the Veep's office is, used his pet word "extraordinary", and then detailed that "empirical evidence" mentioned by Bathtub Boy. Well, no he didn't. So Olbermann laid out the "emperical evidence". Um, not exactly. They must have been short on time. As the banner read "Fun with Dick and Dick", Wolffie got Great Thanksed.

Next up, Keith Olbermann's Criminal Rehabilitation Program met again to minister to KO's favorite felon, John Dean. The disbarred lawyer claimed Cheney was the "senior partner" in the administration, because Bush knew he couldn't handle the job. No transparency, it "got out of control", so Fat Ass compared "Dick" to Al Capone, summing it all up with the phrase of the day: it's "the ultimate scandal" [Ding!]. The criminal got Great Thanksed.

#4: Project Rudy continued, playing up a disagreement between Giuliani and Christy Todd Whitman. Oralmann's task here is simple: flip 9/11, Rudy's greatest strength, and make it a liability. In other words, SwiftBoat him! According to Olbermahn, "Saint Rudy" is desperately attempting to 'salvage" his reputation. Lefty Alter was an enthusiastic puppet, tossing in the lie that Karl Rove was behind the SwiftBoating of John Kerry! That's the sort of thing they love on OlbyPlanet ("Snigger Snigger...He said Karl Rove...Snigger!").

There was a top newsmaker where "Man on Fan" Olbermann creepily slobbered over some schoolkids who compiled a bunch of talking points from blue blogs. He even applauded them, in a limp, sissy sort of way. So followed #3: the Ohio murder case, analyzed by Van Zandt. #2: The Pants suit (regurgitated video from the future home of Rosie O'Donnell), plus Paris Hilton. #1: Keithy's theory on how the Harry Potter saga will end. We don't care about his theory.

In the Media Matters Minute, Senator Inhofe (R) was attacked (Blue Blog Source: Talking Points Memo), with juvenile name-calling against Fox tossed in (to the delight of The Laughing Stagehand). Plus a bonus! Another Republican senator (Kyl) was attacked because he liked some ideas on the immigration bill he heard on eeevil talk radio (which is any talk radio to the right of Err America) (Blue Blog Source: Think Progress). Shame on Kyl for listening to that "right wing water carrier" Hugh Hewitt! Keith Olbermoronn, of course, is fair and balanced. Uh huh. Keith's not a left-wing water carrier--he lifts the jugs by the gross with a forklift! Only they're Kool-Aid.

Dogs that did not bark: This one is so obvious it's a wonder how he gets away with it. Oralmann has repeatedly attacked "Mister" Bush's Iraq policy, and sermonizes that the President is going against "the will of the people". But polls on OlbyPlanet are fickle; if they don't comport with OlbySpin all of a sudden the "will of the people" becomes irrelevant. So when surveys show that "the people" do not want the latest immigration bill, does Herr Olbermann launch a diatribe, blasting the Congress for contravening the desires of the American citizenry? Nope. He just ignores the issue.

Latest Keith Olbermann Ratings Triumphs!

Thursday: another stunning fourth place finish in the critical, beloved, all-important, coveted "key demo":

O'Reilly: 2,572,000 (demo: 507,000)
Nancy Grace: 1,070,000 (demo: 345,000)
Paula Zahn: 518,000 (demo: 176,000)
Keith Oralmann: 579,000 (demo: 168,000)

Friday: a craptacular fourth place finish again!:

O'Reilly: 1,907,000 (demo: 386,000)
Nancy Grace: 841,000 (demo: 255,000)
CNN SIU: 483,000 (demo: 199,000)
"Man on Fan" Olbermann: 551,000 (demo: 179,000)

Olbermann's book The book that bears Olbermann's name roars along at #6,908 at amazon.com, while "Culture Warrior" is #669. (It's that 2-for-$25 sale!) The OlbyTome remains sunken below the ranking radar at Barnes & Noble; O'Reilly's book is #1,093 there, and is one of the top five books of 2006 per Publishers Weekly. Tonight's MisterMeter reading: 4 [GUARDED]

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Posted by johnny dollar at 7:19 PM | Comments (319) | View blog reactions

"COUNTDOWN WITH KEITH OLBERMANN" (8:00 P.M.-9:00 P.M. ET)

Host: Keith Olbermann

Topics/Guests:

• GITMO END GAME: Neal Katyal, Georgetown University Professor and lead attorney in Salim Ahmed Hamdan v. Rumsfeld
• CHENEY OF COMMAND: Dana Milbank, MSNBC Political Analyst, National Political Reporter for the Washington Post
• JEWELS OF DENIAL: Reurgitated video on CIA activity in the 70s
• MOURNERS IN CHIEF: Rachael Maddow of Err America
• TONIGHT'S PARISIAN POST: Michael Musto of the Village Voice

8PM - P2+ (25-54)
#1 The O'Reilly Factor - 1,907,000 viewers (386,000)
CNN: Special Investigations Unit - 483,000 viewers (199,000)
#4 Countdown w/ Olbermann - 551,000 viewers (179,000)
Fast Money - a scratch with 90,000 viewers (a scratch with 35,000)
Nancy Grace - 841,000 viewers (255,000)

Source

The "Gitmo meeting" is canceled but Gitmo has not. Apparently something is going on "beneath the surface" about it because the President said he wanted it closed. Day two of the "autonomous nation" of CheneyLand - is that like OlbyPlanet where stuff is made up? Presidential candidates show up to pay respects to deceased firemen in Charleston - is it politicking? Clips of Republicans - naturally. Penis joke on the "family jewels" on the CIA. Paris Hilton's shrink! Hold on to your chairs folks, Friday is no day off for Olbermahn. And a bad demo day too.

Updated

#5: Apparently the Bush administration cannot shut down its operations in an "occupied foreign territory." Note to Laughing Stagehand and those who write Jabba's material: it's not occupied land. In fact, it's legal U.S. territory under a lease agreement setup with the Spanish after the 1898 Spanish American war. Agreement Terms. Not that this lie within the first 10 seconds matters to slamming the Bush administration at every chance he gets. No exit strategy for Gitmo at the Whie House. One criticism cited of the detention facilitiy - oh my! That never happens during a war! Neal Katyal, lead attorney for Salim Ahmed Hamdan's team in the case against Fmr. Sec. of Defense Donald Rumsfeld chimes in. While I have no doubt as to the man's intelligence and legal ability, it should come as no surprise that Olbersturmfuhrer would have someone on who feels the Guantanamo Bay Detention Facility is illegal - or at least its methods. Olbermann can't come up with a question, merely recaps the fact the administration wants to close Guantanmo Bay and that they stated they want to send them back to their home countries - only they won't take them. OH WAIT, there's the question. Hardball time: "Is this an attempt to palm off any legal responsibility for these people on those other countries or what is it?" Thank you for the powerful question. Katyal plays right into OlbyLogic that the eeeeevil Vice President and the Attorney General are "afraid of the constituion." Bottom line: Gonzales is afraid of the greatest document the world has ever known. He's afraid of the Federal Court system. Everything can be explain by that simple idea! Ok, I take back what I said about Mr. Katyal, he seems like a straight up partisan. Katyal opines you can never trust the administration - Guantanamo is a legal black hole. Funny how the Congress made it legal which Olby hates when the Congress exercises its congressional duty that disagrees with OlbyLogic. Now it's just unpatriotic to Katyal. Ok fine. Great. Is it illegal what congress did? Not necessarily. Just unpatriotic. He whines some more about how no legal proceedings have happened at Guantanamo - no trials. Gee, I wonder why? Maybe because you are too busy litigating against it making it impossible to hold said trials? More complaints about the evil Vice President. Great thanks.

Cheney again, this time above the law. Who IS DICK Cheney? hehe - Dick. It gets funnier every time. To be perfectly honest, I have no idea what this segment is about. Something about Cheney being a shadow government. Was Fat Ass done with the penis jokes? Of course not. Caption below the welcomed Dana Milbank, sans splashy suit, read "Private Dick." What is it with Olby and this fascination with male genitalia? I don't think I want to know. Cue incisive question: Has the Vice President evolved into a higher being beyond our understanding? Maybe for you, Keithy. Milbank thinks it's like trying to understand the holy trinity. Yeah....ok. I understand it just fine but whatever. Milbank decides to mock the Vice President's heart condition by stating that the Mr. Cheney regards the law as he regards arterial plaque - you just push it aside and put in a stent - like the law. What kind of analogy is that? Did you spend your time in the green room thinking of that? What do heart conditions and stents, which are meant to keep blood flowing, have to do with the law? This whole matter is about documents. No one is checking whether Mr. Cheney's office is in compliance. In compliance with what, you ask? I still don't know. It's all just evil sounding. Great thanks and have a great weekend. Nice.

#4: Good news, I now can rely on CIA agents leaking classified information to expose evil doings. Regurgitated video from the Mother Ship. CIA doing evil things. Why is Olby complaining? He's getting exactly what he wants - more "dirty laundry." But there is always some way to spin it to make that organization look bad.

Oddball: Fox Noise attack saying the Hearst news organization was the Murdoch of its time. Connection: Murdoch causes suicides like Hearst. A man shot himself over the evil smear machine of Hearst. Fireworks on a dummy. Tokyo Robot in the shower. The friendly skies: women in lingerie - Olby can barely contain himself!

Newsmakers: Some arm wrestling guy tries to cheat. Tony Blair's retirement and wearing shoes every time he did Questions for the Prime Minister. A guy carrying a machete.

#3: Exploitation of deceased fire fighters. Are politicians going to the funeral using it for politics? First clip: Sec. Chertoff mentioning things that are dangerous - including terrorism! Gasp! Giuliani, who was invited to the speech, but the International Association of Firefighters did not want him there. Funny, Olbermahn left out one tidbit on who the IAF is associated with - THE AFL-CIO. The IAF is a labor union! You don't say? Now, do you wonder why this was omitted on OlbyPlanet? Clear thinking readers don't. They know that the AFL-CIO is one of the bigg