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"COUNTDOWN WITH KEITH OLBERMANN" (8:00 P.M.-9:00 P.M. ET)
Host: Keith Olbermann
Herr Olbermann bellowed the opening spiel: Scooter Libby (yes, again), Bloomberg minimizes terror threats (i.e. "calm, common sense"), Princess Diana, the Olympic logo, Lindsay Lohan, Paris Hilton, Roger Ailes, and more. We estimate the actual amount of news on this "news hour" will be approximately 13%. Give or take.
#5: "Mister" Bush was the "clear loser" at the debate because he got thrown "under the bus" [Ding!]. He's in Germany, but nobody there was happy to see him. A selection of anti-Bush clips from the debate. How many clips about policy? Well, none; there just wasn't time. The anti-Bush clips were more important. Dana Milbank, minus mangy mufti, echoed OlbySpin. KO brought up the GOP "attempt to trot out" the Iraq study group. Monkeymann never uses loaded language, does he? Great thanks.
Then KO claimed it wouldn't be Countdown without him scrutinizing the statements at the debate. He began with an attack on Mitt Romney's debate answer on Iraq, framed by comparing it to how much better Hillary Clinton did. No, we're not making this up. Tancredo was ridiculed for criticizing bilingual countries; Olby thought it a silly statement since Canada has universal health care. Then Sam Brownback was taken to task and... Hey, wait a minute. It wouldn't be Countdown without all this snarky editorializing? He did no such segment making fun of the answers at the Dem debate. So that wasn't Countdown? Well, maybe not. It was The Hour of Spin, where only Republican debaters get skewered, while Dems (especially those for whom Media Matters is in the tank) get held up as the gold standard of comparison. Keith Olbermann: what a slovenly political hack.
#4: Another meeting of the Olbermann Criminal Rehabilitation Program, with convicted felon John Dean there to discuss the merits of "law and order". Believe it or not, it's another day about Scooter Libby and the possibility of a pardon. Under attack: Bill Kristol, Fred Thompson, Rudy Giuliani. The disbarred lawyer got Great Thanksed before he even uttered his first word of "legal analysis". Nostradamus Dean predicted no bail for Libby pending appeal, while Fat Ass waxed eloquent about the evils of lying under oath that never occured to him back in the Clinton days, so many of which he spent in the bathtub. The criminal make the ridiculous assertion that talking to the President about pardons could be "obstruction of justice" (has he ever read the constitution?), citing Richard Nixon [Ding!]. How odd. No mention of the Bill Clinton pardon controversies. Silly rabbit, we are on OlbyPlanet, after all. Then Herr Olbermahn showed he could be even more ignorant than the felon:
According to justice, uh, uh, pardons are supposed to come after release, after the convict has shown contrition, cooperated. If the President were to do an end run around those requirements, where would a Libby pardon stand in the context of history?
The felon compared it to pardons of Hoffa and Nixon [Ding!] and not "in the tradition of the pardon power".
Stop the tivo! This is such a steaming pile of bullcrap. There are no "requirements" for a pardon. The power is constitutional and absolute. They can come at any time, not just after conviction. And neither Fat Ass nor the disbarred lawyer, who brought up Nixon again [Ding!] could bring himself to mention Mark Rich? The crook pardoned by Bill Clinton while evading justice who was never even brought to trial, let alone convicted and contrite, two of the "requirements" from Olbermann's Rules of Justice? So naturally, the even more slovenly political hack gave his sock-puppet Great Thanks.
#3: The Fort Dix plot was a "fantasy", like the JFK terror plot. So why hasn't Chief Olbermann called up the FBI and told them to drop all the charges and let these people go? Praise for Bloomberg because, eager to avoid NYC getting an unsafe reputation, he downplayed its dangers. An editorial in Investors Business Daily was "screeching" and "paranoid", while the left-leaning Newsday was favorably quoted for revealing such tidbits as the fact that one of the conspirators was homeless, and another was a drug addict. Because neither homeless people nor drug addicts pose any danger. C'mon, Olby, call the FBI and tell them to release these poor innocents! Terrorism expert Arianna Huffington explained the "imaginary plots", adding that Giuliani is "fear-mongering". Aha, so that's why Zsa Zsa is tonight's terrorism expert. It's all part of Olby's Project Rudy: attack Giuliani at every opportunity, because he's the candidate Hillary fears most. Great thanks.
#2: Recycled reportage on Princess Di, London Olympics, Larry David. #1: Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan.
In the Media Matters Minute, Melanie Morgan's show (Blue Blog Source: Media Matters) "throwing" someone "under the bus" [Ding!], the National Guard (Blue Blog Source: Daily Kos), and Roger Ailes of Fox "Noise"--yes, he regurgitated that knee-slapper again--(Blue Blog Source: TVNewser).
Quiescent canines: Since his 60-second newsbrief about William Jefferson (D) on Monday, the infamous, deplorable Keith Olbermann has totally spiked the story. Remember all the (R) lawmakers Olby has skewered? Every time someone called for an (R) to resign it got reported. Often the caller would get an invite to The Hour of Spin. Ethics committee involvement? Good enough for another couple of days on Countdown. Now with Jefferson, the Ethics Committee is launching a probe. And, yes, numerous members of Congress have called for him to step down--including many with a (D) after their names. But on OlbyPlanet, those stories aren't news. There's no time for any of that when you're bought and paid for by the Democrat Party. We need more talk about Scooter Libby!
Olbermann's book The book that bears Olbermann's name sunk to #4,228 at amazon.com, but "Culture Warrior" is #378. (It's that 2-for-$25 sale!) The OlbyTome is still unranked at Barnes & Noble; O'Reilly's book is #582 there, and is one of the top five books of 2006 per Publishers Weekly. Poor Olby. Tonight's MisterMeter reading: 3 [GUARDED]