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"COUNTDOWN WITH KEITH OLBERMANN" (8:00 P.M.-9:00 P.M. ET)
Host: Keith Olbermann
8PM - P2+ (25-54)
#1 The O'Reilly Factor - 1,907,000 viewers (386,000)
CNN: Special Investigations Unit - 483,000 viewers (199,000)
#4 Countdown w/ Olbermann - 551,000 viewers (179,000)
Fast Money - a scratch with 90,000 viewers (a scratch with 35,000)
Nancy Grace - 841,000 viewers (255,000)
The "Gitmo meeting" is canceled but Gitmo has not. Apparently something is going on "beneath the surface" about it because the President said he wanted it closed. Day two of the "autonomous nation" of CheneyLand - is that like OlbyPlanet where stuff is made up? Presidential candidates show up to pay respects to deceased firemen in Charleston - is it politicking? Clips of Republicans - naturally. Penis joke on the "family jewels" on the CIA. Paris Hilton's shrink! Hold on to your chairs folks, Friday is no day off for Olbermahn. And a bad demo day too.
#5: Apparently the Bush administration cannot shut down its operations in an "occupied foreign territory." Note to Laughing Stagehand and those who write Jabba's material: it's not occupied land. In fact, it's legal U.S. territory under a lease agreement setup with the Spanish after the 1898 Spanish American war. Agreement Terms. Not that this lie within the first 10 seconds matters to slamming the Bush administration at every chance he gets. No exit strategy for Gitmo at the Whie House. One criticism cited of the detention facilitiy - oh my! That never happens during a war! Neal Katyal, lead attorney for Salim Ahmed Hamdan's team in the case against Fmr. Sec. of Defense Donald Rumsfeld chimes in. While I have no doubt as to the man's intelligence and legal ability, it should come as no surprise that Olbersturmfuhrer would have someone on who feels the Guantanamo Bay Detention Facility is illegal - or at least its methods. Olbermann can't come up with a question, merely recaps the fact the administration wants to close Guantanmo Bay and that they stated they want to send them back to their home countries - only they won't take them. OH WAIT, there's the question. Hardball time: "Is this an attempt to palm off any legal responsibility for these people on those other countries or what is it?" Thank you for the powerful question. Katyal plays right into OlbyLogic that the eeeeevil Vice President and the Attorney General are "afraid of the constituion." Bottom line: Gonzales is afraid of the greatest document the world has ever known. He's afraid of the Federal Court system. Everything can be explain by that simple idea! Ok, I take back what I said about Mr. Katyal, he seems like a straight up partisan. Katyal opines you can never trust the administration - Guantanamo is a legal black hole. Funny how the Congress made it legal which Olby hates when the Congress exercises its congressional duty that disagrees with OlbyLogic. Now it's just unpatriotic to Katyal. Ok fine. Great. Is it illegal what congress did? Not necessarily. Just unpatriotic. He whines some more about how no legal proceedings have happened at Guantanamo - no trials. Gee, I wonder why? Maybe because you are too busy litigating against it making it impossible to hold said trials? More complaints about the evil Vice President. Great thanks.
Cheney again, this time above the law. Who IS DICK Cheney? hehe - Dick. It gets funnier every time. To be perfectly honest, I have no idea what this segment is about. Something about Cheney being a shadow government. Was Fat Ass done with the penis jokes? Of course not. Caption below the welcomed Dana Milbank, sans splashy suit, read "Private Dick." What is it with Olby and this fascination with male genitalia? I don't think I want to know. Cue incisive question: Has the Vice President evolved into a higher being beyond our understanding? Maybe for you, Keithy. Milbank thinks it's like trying to understand the holy trinity. Yeah....ok. I understand it just fine but whatever. Milbank decides to mock the Vice President's heart condition by stating that the Mr. Cheney regards the law as he regards arterial plaque - you just push it aside and put in a stent - like the law. What kind of analogy is that? Did you spend your time in the green room thinking of that? What do heart conditions and stents, which are meant to keep blood flowing, have to do with the law? This whole matter is about documents. No one is checking whether Mr. Cheney's office is in compliance. In compliance with what, you ask? I still don't know. It's all just evil sounding. Great thanks and have a great weekend. Nice.
#4: Good news, I now can rely on CIA agents leaking classified information to expose evil doings. Regurgitated video from the Mother Ship. CIA doing evil things. Why is Olby complaining? He's getting exactly what he wants - more "dirty laundry." But there is always some way to spin it to make that organization look bad.
Oddball: Fox Noise attack saying the Hearst news organization was the Murdoch of its time. Connection: Murdoch causes suicides like Hearst. A man shot himself over the evil smear machine of Hearst. Fireworks on a dummy. Tokyo Robot in the shower. The friendly skies: women in lingerie - Olby can barely contain himself!
Newsmakers: Some arm wrestling guy tries to cheat. Tony Blair's retirement and wearing shoes every time he did Questions for the Prime Minister. A guy carrying a machete.
#3: Exploitation of deceased fire fighters. Are politicians going to the funeral using it for politics? First clip: Sec. Chertoff mentioning things that are dangerous - including terrorism! Gasp! Giuliani, who was invited to the speech, but the International Association of Firefighters did not want him there. Funny, Olbermahn left out one tidbit on who the IAF is associated with - THE AFL-CIO. The IAF is a labor union! You don't say? Now, do you wonder why this was omitted on OlbyPlanet? Clear thinking readers don't. They know that the AFL-CIO is one of the biggest backers of the Democratic Party and their economic nationalist, anti free trade and and labor union loving friends. Giuliani is a Republican. That must mean he hates American workers, or something. Of course he's going to be disinvited. Although, this ruins that idea that the International Firefighters Association, which sounds very grand, rejected him without any partisan reason. More here. Welcome Rachael Maddow of the far left and bankrupt Air America. Olby concedes that Chertoff had some reason to be there - being connected with first responders. But he DID mention terrorism once - evil. Maddow plays sock puppet and attacks Giuliani for "wrapping himself up in 9/11." Well, it's shocking that he would talk about since it happens to be one of the biggest moments of his time as Mayor. Maddow goes into a filabuster and Olbermann simply shuts up and lets her rant about the evil Mr. Giuliani. Again, Olby gets himself in a swivet on the IAF hatred of Giuliani but keeps forgetting their ties to the AFL-CIO and the fact Giuliani was invited by the South Carolina Association Fire Fighters. This segment barely mentions the Democrats who were there and just goes on and on about how horrible Mr. Giuliani is for showing up at the memorial. Great thanks.
Sound bites: Baby named 4-Real in New Zealand. President Bush on Black Music Month. Jon Stewart.
#2: After Olbermann's attacks on O'Reilly for covering bears, here comes the biggest story of the evening - Thomas the Train! More regurgitated video from New York. Oh wait - it's on lead paint on toys from China. Glad to see Adam's Apple cares about the children. I guess bears don't pose a danger.
Keeping Tabs: Britney blames her mother for her issues. Eddie Murphy is the father of Scary Spice's child. Spice Girls will reunite.
#1: Olbermann mocks Paris Hilton for a bit making a high pitched voice and commenting how she hears keys jingle (which aren't really keys says Olby - hehe). Creepy Musto makes references to glory holes, pokey and other perverted trash. Edward R. Murrow is so proud right now. Musto keeps using slurs against women while Olby and the Laughing Stagehand nearly die. Viewers have probably died from boredom at this point. Update: I'd like to thank Josh Cone via Johnny Dollar for something I missed during Friday's pervert fest. It seems Olbermann asserted that Paris's doctor was not a medical doctor (emphasis mine):
Well just maybe because the doctor, who's been so adept at getting Ms. Hilton out of tight spots, is not an M.D. and may have lied a little bit about his credentials. Radar Magazine reporting that Dr. Charles Sophy is not a medical doctor, but rather an osteopath, a doctor of osteopathy, focusing on alternative treatments.
Well, there you go again Fat Ass. The reason I say that is it's clear your lackeys are too lazy to do any actual research. Sort of like that using of Star Magazine as a source, but this time Radar magazine. In fact, no one can be a psychiatrist without being an M.D. Osteopaths are in fact D.O.s which are also Medical Doctors, with slightly different training. Reading and information. More here. Thus, another either outright OlbyLie or just lazy journalism. It also has to do with his favorite target of perversion, Paris Hilton. Coincidence? You decide. Thanks again for the information.
In the Media Matters minute, the bronze goes to the British Ministry of Defense on UFOs for not releasing enough information on some recent sightings. Silver: oh my god, John Travolta for siding with Tom Cruise on psychotherapy! I actually agree with this nomination. Gold goes to Glenn Beck for getting "desperate" - ha!. Funny Olby calls anyone desperate when you keep landing in third and fourth. We haven't seen Olby use his favorite source in quite some time: Media Matters. Edward R. Olbermann asserts that Glenn Beck is doing more damage to the world every day than any suicide bomber could dream of. Are you saving the world, Hauptmann?
Olbermann's book The book that bears Olberman's name is #1,534 at amazon.com, while "Culture Warrior" is #697. (It's that 2-for-$25 sale!) The OlbyTome is noticeably unranked at at Barnes and Noble; O'Reilly's book is #1,032 there. As predicted, Thursday's Hour of Spin was mired at fourth Place in the Man on Fan beloved, coveted all important "key demo" along with the usual kick out the door of barely finishing third overall. Perhaps one of the worst weeks in a long time for der Fuhrer. Tonight's MisterMeter reading: 4 [GUARDED]