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"COUNTDOWN WITH KEITH OLBERMANN" (8:00 P.M.-9:00 P.M. ET)
Host: Keith Olbermann
Another opening, another spiel. "Dick's World": he's "the de facto President". The latest Giuliani attack in Olby's ongoing Project Rudy. The Ohio murder case, the great Pants suit, and Harry Potter. A pretty thin bowl of soup...maybe explains his recent ratings.
#5: KO bumbled his way through the intro about why this is really the Cheney Administration. There's "empirical evidence", sez Olby. He threw around phrases like "legally questionable" and "morally reprehensible" and whined that Bush claims he doesn't have to obey his own executive order. Of course he doesn't, Olberdunce! It's Bush's order, and he can amend it, repeal it, interpret it, or make a new one any time he feels like it. The Wolffe Man skulked in, simpered about how secretive the Veep's office is, used his pet word "extraordinary", and then detailed that "empirical evidence" mentioned by Bathtub Boy. Well, no he didn't. So Olbermann laid out the "emperical evidence". Um, not exactly. They must have been short on time. As the banner read "Fun with Dick and Dick", Wolffie got Great Thanksed.
Next up, Keith Olbermann's Criminal Rehabilitation Program met again to minister to KO's favorite felon, John Dean. The disbarred lawyer claimed Cheney was the "senior partner" in the administration, because Bush knew he couldn't handle the job. No transparency, it "got out of control", so Fat Ass compared "Dick" to Al Capone, summing it all up with the phrase of the day: it's "the ultimate scandal" [Ding!]. The criminal got Great Thanksed.
#4: Project Rudy continued, playing up a disagreement between Giuliani and Christy Todd Whitman. Oralmann's task here is simple: flip 9/11, Rudy's greatest strength, and make it a liability. In other words, SwiftBoat him! According to Olbermahn, "Saint Rudy" is desperately attempting to 'salvage" his reputation. Lefty Alter was an enthusiastic puppet, tossing in the lie that Karl Rove was behind the SwiftBoating of John Kerry! That's the sort of thing they love on OlbyPlanet ("Snigger Snigger...He said Karl Rove...Snigger!").
There was a top newsmaker where "Man on Fan" Olbermann creepily slobbered over some schoolkids who compiled a bunch of talking points from blue blogs. He even applauded them, in a limp, sissy sort of way. So followed #3: the Ohio murder case, analyzed by Van Zandt. #2: The Pants suit (regurgitated video from the future home of Rosie O'Donnell), plus Paris Hilton. #1: Keithy's theory on how the Harry Potter saga will end. We don't care about his theory.
In the Media Matters Minute, Senator Inhofe (R) was attacked (Blue Blog Source: Talking Points Memo), with juvenile name-calling against Fox tossed in (to the delight of The Laughing Stagehand). Plus a bonus! Another Republican senator (Kyl) was attacked because he liked some ideas on the immigration bill he heard on eeevil talk radio (which is any talk radio to the right of Err America) (Blue Blog Source: Think Progress). Shame on Kyl for listening to that "right wing water carrier" Hugh Hewitt! Keith Olbermoronn, of course, is fair and balanced. Uh huh. Keith's not a left-wing water carrier--he lifts the jugs by the gross with a forklift! Only they're Kool-Aid.
Dogs that did not bark: This one is so obvious it's a wonder how he gets away with it. Oralmann has repeatedly attacked "Mister" Bush's Iraq policy, and sermonizes that the President is going against "the will of the people". But polls on OlbyPlanet are fickle; if they don't comport with OlbySpin all of a sudden the "will of the people" becomes irrelevant. So when surveys show that "the people" do not want the latest immigration bill, does Herr Olbermann launch a diatribe, blasting the Congress for contravening the desires of the American citizenry? Nope. He just ignores the issue.
Latest Keith Olbermann Ratings Triumphs!
Thursday: another stunning fourth place finish in the critical, beloved, all-important, coveted "key demo":
O'Reilly: 2,572,000 (demo: 507,000)
Nancy Grace: 1,070,000 (demo: 345,000)
Paula Zahn: 518,000 (demo: 176,000)
Keith Oralmann: 579,000 (demo: 168,000)
Friday: a craptacular fourth place finish again!:
O'Reilly: 1,907,000 (demo: 386,000)
Nancy Grace: 841,000 (demo: 255,000)
CNN SIU: 483,000 (demo: 199,000)
"Man on Fan" Olbermann: 551,000 (demo: 179,000)
Olbermann's book The book that bears Olbermann's name roars along at #6,908 at amazon.com, while "Culture Warrior" is #669. (It's that 2-for-$25 sale!) The OlbyTome remains sunken below the ranking radar at Barnes & Noble; O'Reilly's book is #1,093 there, and is one of the top five books of 2006 per Publishers Weekly. Tonight's MisterMeter reading: 4 [GUARDED]