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"COUNTDOWN WITH KEITH OLBERMANN" (8:00 P.M.-9:00 P.M. ET)
Host: Keith Olbermann
More "Dick" for Keith. Bring in a partisan Democrat on that. Thanks a lot "Dick." Seriously, is this guy ever going to get past his penis fascination? A Republican "turns" on the President (all he said was that he didn't think the current strategy was not working, not that he would vote with Democrats to end the war) and pervert comments galore on Paris Hilton! Glory holes anyone? More Bill O'Reilly attacks to bring up abymssal ratings. Updated And when I say abymssal, I mean it. Here are Monday's numbers:
8PM - P2+ (25-54)
The O'Reilly Factor - 2,717,000 viewers (529,000)
Paula Zahn - 683,000 viewers (198,000)
Countdown w/ Olbermann - 624,000 viewers (200,000)
Fast Money - 261,000 viewers (99,000)
Nancy Grace - 1,000,000 viewers (311,000)
Fourth overall and barely clinging to third in the demo. Number Two Olbermann strikes again.
#5: Apparently, on OlbyPlanet, the Vice President has declared that he is no longer part of the Execuative Branch. I'm not terribly clear where Olby and has Laughing Stagehand got their information on "Mister" Cheney declaring such, but he has anyway. Moving along. Keithy expresses tacit sympathy for disgraced and indicted Congressman Jefferson because "Mister" Cheney played some role in his indictement. What the role is is not clear, either. None of that matters. The Spin Zone is all about innuendo. Bring Rahm Emanuel in who does not disagree with ANYTHING Olbersturmfuhrer asserts. Emanuel gets to filibuster like any Democrat does in OlbyLand. Of course, they sneak in the idea that Cheney is Bush's brain by suggesting he makes "every decision." Enter Keith the constitutional scholar asserting the Vice President, again, acts like the President. Of course says Emanuel. Could the parrot get any better? I'll be honest, I am not in the mood to really dissect this whole "affair" that Olby stole from the Washington Post. The funny part is that Hauptmann failed to mention all the criticisms that Washington Post leveled against the do-nothing Democratic Congress. Great Thanks.
Bring in Mr. Barton Gellman for more buttressing of Fat Ass's fascination with the eeeeeevil Vice President. Mr. Gellman SHOCKINGLY asserts that the Vice President aligns himself with the President's innitiatives despite not agreeing with them on No Child Left Behind and such. NO WAY. THE VICE PRESIDENT? THE MAN WHO IS PICKED TO BE ON THE TICKET? I am blown away. Throw in a cute baseball reference on Cheney's "batting average." I don't get it. I think I am too simple minded for Fat Ass. More blabbing on what the office does. Again, to be honest with you readers, I don't have the patience to dissect this whole thing. It seems to me that Olby and his lackeys have completely stolen this story from the Washington Post which he (Olby) has muddled into some evil conspiracy by the Vice President to hide documents or something. Really, it's an examination on the role of the Vice President. Jabba wants to make it out like a grand conspiracy of the Vice President's to hide something. Whatever. Thanks for your time.
#4: WHOAH - right off the bat. Logic - OlbyLogic - suggests that taking soldiers out of Iraq is the best way to protect them. Thanks Keith. I'm glad you said that because you treated the Fort Dix story like it was a joke. No danger presented there at home. Without a doubt, Iraq is more dangerous. But in my opinion, Adam's Apple is not really interested in the "soldier's safety", but rather ending what he sees as the great crime of the century - the Second Gulf War. It will makes us safer as a nation too, to bring them home. Sen. Richard Lugar is mentioned because he is concerned about the current policy - not that he has changed his position on the war cause. The number four story would naturally make it sound like Senator Lugar is interested in ending the war, which his office said does not mean he is joining Democrats on their policy. Mr. Dana Milbank chimes in to play sock puppet as usual. He gets himself over "gradual defections" like that of Sen. Chuck Hagel. There's a surprise he mentioned him because that's about all the real "defections" there are. Sen. Voinovich was thrown in there for good measure (vulnerable Republican Senator from Ohio). Milbank admits that the Democrats still don't have the votes to cut off funding. They are looking for a "middle ground." Keith thinks Democrats are playing this "relatively cautiously" which is code for not being radical enough for the DailyKos crowd. Milbank responds by saying that the Republicans leading an anti-war movement was as likely as Keith hosting the O'Reilly factor - ha!. He concedes there are only 6 or 7 "opposition" Republicans. Great thanks.
Oddball: In Peru, dressed up Guinea Pigs. Elvis impersonators.
Newsmakers: Residents of Louisville, some Police Officer, someone making crop circles in the Netherlands.
#3: Oralmann continues his Olbsession on Bill O'Reilly. Keith is incredibly excited that O'Reilly did not get into the Mets clubhouse. Wow, how important! Adam's Apple Olbermahn and his team of Laughing Stagehands play a clip of someone trying to portary O'Reilly's book as "pro-drug." Of course, why include anything refuting that? Just play anything that has someone attacking O'Reilly. I'm surprised the teleprompted didn't tell Keithy to start dropping "Dick" every other second. Olby is depressed O'Reilly was a keynote speaker at an event for journalists which naturally, Olby would never get. He only gets to speak at far left events or canceled interviews with his hereos like Valerie Wilson. Five minutes later, it's quite clear how desperate Man on Fan Olbermann is for ratings - he's still talking about O'Reilly - much to the delight of Moveon.org. Really lame "brain room" joke. This is why I am through a bottle of wine at this point.
#2: Tom Cruise does not get to do his film on Claus Von Stauffenberg - the man behind the 1944 attempt on Hitler's life. I don't really mind this segment because I think Scientology is a joke as well.
Keeping Tabs: Rosie is not going to be the Price is Right. Self promotion appearing on a Late Night Show. Congrats.
#1: Paris Hilton is freed, reunited with Tinkerbell. Thank god for this story. Tons of regurgitated video - even from MSNBC. Is Keith finally critcizing his own network? Doubtful. Michael Musto comes in to be the usual misogynist, glory hole and genital herpes referencing creep. Olby makes a "sucking up" joke and then cuts himself off. HA! I get it. Something Oralmann loves. He's in a suit tonight though - classy. Good night.
In the Media Matters minute, the silver goes to Pat Roberston for saying people agreed that Hugo Chavez should be "killed." Guess what the source was: Media Matters! Gold: oh so clever and original, Coultergeist - saying that Sen. Barack Obama should avoid words that sound bad in conjuction with his middle name: Blue Blog Source. She does not link him to terrorists, rather shouldn't use certains words. I'm not saying I agree with this assertion, but you can figure out the OlbySpin applied here. Edward R. Olbermann has not moved past his usual targets. What about all those offensive things Joe Biden said about minorities, Olbersturmfuhrer? *cue cricket sound*
Olbermann's book The book that bears Olberman's name came in at a strong position of #8,040 at amazon.com, while "Culture Warrior" is #1,037. (It's that 2-for-$25 sale!) The OlbyTome is sadly, almost painfully, unranked at at Barnes and Noble; O'Reilly's book is #1,097 there. Reliable numbers for Monday night were unavailable at this time. I am confident Olby landed in either third or fourth. Tonight's MisterMeter reading: 4 [GUARDED]