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"COUNTDOWN WITH KEITH OLBERMANN" (7:00 P.M.-8:00 P.M. ET)
Host: Keith Olbermann
This is it! Keith Oralmann's Big Break! On the Big NBC Network, nationwide and coast-to-coast (except for all those affilliates who pre-empted him for local programming, that is). Krazy Keith is ready for his klose-up! And NBC is going to try to reinvent him as a "journalist" hosting a "newscast". And just to keep the switchboards from lighting up, there will be no Special Education Komments. What's more, at least half the show will be reserved for comedy, entertainment, and sports. Uh oh, the blue blogs aren't going to like this. Welcome to an all-new (except for the regurgitated stuff) episode of Extreme Makeover: Olby Edition!
"It's a newscast", lied Monkeymann as an intro to the opening spiel: John Warner and "Mister" Bush, another attack on Rudy, plus Mo Rocca, celebrity mugshots, a football preview, and a whole bunch o' "oddball". Olbermoronn is obviously going for "hard news" tonight.
#5: "War More Years". The "escalation" [Ding!] in Iraq. John Warner wants to see some token redeployments (clips regurgitated from Meet the Press). Neither Bathtub Boy nor Howie, Pundit for All Occasions, bothered to note Warner's insistence that he will not support Democrat withdrawal proposals. Olby cites the NIE, but not the part that warns against changing the mission in Iraq. Can't report that: it contradicts OlbySpin. Great thanks.
#4: Politics 2008. Clinton and Giuliani both under attack. Both? Well, Giuliani's tax policy wasn't that great (per NY Times), and he spent more time at baseball games than at Ground Zero (per Salon.com). Then Hillary being criticized for using fear (for claiming she's the best candidate if we get attacked again). Stop the tivo! Stop the presses! Alert the media!! Criticism of Hillary? We can't have that on OlbyPlanet! Immediately Edward R Olbermann inserts his head right back up the usual Hillary orafice and interjects: "that might not be exactly what she meant". Amazing how quickly he jumps to do damage control for his candidate. Milbank, sans splashy suit, explained to a disappointed Olbermahn that the attacks on Rudy are not affecting his ratings much. KO, of course, brought up Giuliani's "multiple wives", but not B.J. Clinton's multiple partners. Then it was off to again trot out his damage control spin for Madame Hillary, even obliquely criticizing the other Democrat candidates for daring to disagree with her! Great thanks.
After a jumbo-sized (and still unfunny) dose of "oddball" reruns came #3: the Secret Service keeps protestors away from the President, and supporters try to drown them out. The expert witness on this vital topic: Mo Rocca! Yes, we're just at the half-way mark and already we're into the comedy shtick, moved up from its usual home in the final segment. The Hour of Spin by way of the Bortsch Belt. Looks like the network suits think Keith's strength is playing straight man to a lower-tier comic. But Henny Youngman on his worst day was uproarious compared to slow Mo. Even The Laughing Stagehand was not amused.
#2: There was no #2 story. Instead the entire segment was "keeping tabs" (celebrity news) with Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan, Britney Spears, and more. Those NBC suits know what Olby is best at. McHale made more weak attempts at comedy while Fat Ass affected more of his phony, gruff laughter. #1: Sports, by way of a lengthy promo for the upcoming football game.
In the Media Matters Minute, attacks on Michael McConnell (Blue Blog Source: Think Progress), Rush Limbaugh (Blue Blog Source: Media Matters), and, the greatest Olbsession of all, Bill O'Reilly (not referred to as Bill "Orally"; those pesky suits again!) of "Fixed News" [Ding!] (Blue Blog Source: Media Matters). Gee, three non-liberals. What a surprise. Not. (Poor Chris Collinsworth in the football segment seemed befuddled at the Limbaugh choice: "Is he really the worst person in the world, in the entire world?")
The network suits really laid down the law on Mr Merkle. No felon Dean, no crazy Larry O'Donnell, no Michael Musto, no Err America...an Extreme Makeover indeed. What will the blue blogs say about their hero now?
Olbermann's book The book that bears Olbermann's name is all but entombed: #41,825 at amazon.com, while "Culture Warrior" is #1,616. (It's that 2-for-$25 sale!) The OlbyTome remains so low that the Barnes & Noble ranking meter can't even find it; O'Reilly's book is #1,775 there, and is one of the top five books of 2006 per Publishers Weekly. Tonight's MisterMeter reading: 2 [LOW]