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"COUNTDOWN WITH KEITH OLBERMANN" (8:00 P.M.-9:00 P.M. ET)
Host: Keith Olbermann
You know Olby is back in his niche at A-Mess-NBC when all of a sudden you not only get the Bush's Brain [Ding!] guy, but also another session with felon Dean! But why, oh why, couldn't he take this week off? This is the least-viewed television week of the year; that's why so many big names are off. But not Edward R Olbermann. Maybe he thinks, with all of his time-slot competition on vacation, this is his big chance. Maybe he thinks the huge boost (um, see below) he got from his spectacular flame-out on the network mothership will finally let him beat The O'Reilly Factor. Well, The O'Malkin Factor, actually. Keithy? Don't bet your Merlot on it.
Monkeymann bellowed the opening spiel: Gone-Zales, Chertoff a possible replacement (obligatory clip of "Louisiana is a city..."), Michael Vick apologizes ("unexpected", claims Olbermoronn), plus Britney Spears, a new plug for American Idol, and more. OlbyPlanet is back in its orbit on a blue Monday at Olbermann Watch.
#5: Gonzo fired US attorneys for "no cause beyond naked political retribution". So ruled Judge Olbermahn. Plus "domestic spying", "torture", yada yada yada. Clip of the AG's farewell speech. Piffle, sez the discredited baseball card collector, it's "partisanship before prosecution". Clip of "Mister" Bush. Important clip of Democrats listening to Chris Matthews applauding the resignation. No, really? Clip of Hillary too. Dana Milbank, minus multicolored mufti, decided to make up a reason for it all (maybe the inspector general found some dirt on the AG...unless he didn't). Olby suggested the White House is going to "pick a fight" re confirming a new AG and referenced Bush's Brain [Ding!]. Somehow Fat Ass forgot to call Alberto a "houseboy" this time, but he did call him stupid. Great thanks.
Quotes from Domenici (R), Conyers (D), and Leahy (D), all against the AG. No quotes from supporters. That teed up the latest meeting of Olbermann's Criminal Rehabilitation Program, featuring its star inmate: John Dean. The felon gushed that investigations will continue, and at Olby's urging threw a few shots at Chertoff and his "baggage". Keithy quoted the criminal's book about how "Republican rule" as "ruined the government", and the disbarred lawyer was happy to expand on that unbiased, nonpartisan assessment. Great thanks.
#4: After a reference to Fox "Noise" [Ding!], it was on to "Mister" Bush and his "unqualified" "Texas buddies". Oh no "Mister" Bush might appoint someone to head Homeland Security who's from Texas! In comes the guy who wrote Bush's Brain [Ding!] to ridicule "Mister" Bush and anyone who dares to be his friend (defined by Brain guy as "fawning"). You'd have to be insane or irrational to go to work for Bush, he asserted. In case you missed it, KO again reminded us that Brain guy wrote Bush's Brain [Ding!]. Great thanks.
Item on Larry Craig (R) re a sordid misdemeanor in a restroom. Mr Merkle could hardly contain his glee. Larry, next time don't plead to a misdemeanor. Make it a felony. Then you won't get attacked by Olby, you can be a regular guest!
#3: Poor, misunderstood Michael Vick and his "surprising" apology. Good old Olby, never one to let an incoherent rant go to waste, repeated his bizarre diatribe from yesterday, only without the spastic head bobs and facial tics. Because one hearing is never enough. After another reference to "Fixed News" [Ding!], #2: Britney Spears, Owen Wilson, and a Miss Teen contestant, ridiculed with relish by Mr Misogynist for an inartful answer to a question. Why is the infamous, deplorable one picking on a teenage girl? Did she refuse to answer his emails? Does she dislike Merlot? #1: Another thrilling American Idol segment.
In the Media Matters Minute, the usual targets from the usual source: the US military (Blue Blog Source: Think Progress), "Fixed News" [Ding!] and Sean Hannity (Blue Blog Source: Media Matters), and a particularly thin smear of "Fixed News" [Ding!] and Brit Hume (Blue Blog Source: Media Matters--hey, why do you think we call it the "Media Matters Minute"?).
All that network exposure has just ignited sales for
Olbermann's book the book that bears Olbermann's name. It has soared on amazon.com, all the way up to: #75,883, while "Culture Warrior" is #2,264. (It's that 2-for-$25 sale!) The OlbyTome remains so low at Barnes & Noble that their ranking meter can't even find it; O'Reilly's book is #1,762 there, and is one of the top five books of 2006 per Publishers Weekly. Oh, and Bathtub Boy's Big Break? Playing with the grownups on NBC proved that he can lose there too. Sure enough, the special Hour of Spin ended up just like the non-special ones, with a humiliating, embarrassing fourth place finish in the coveted, pivotal, much-beloved, critical, all-important "key demo". [America's Funniest Home Videos" (adults 18-49: 2.1, #4) - 60 Minutes" (adults 18-49: 1.5, #7) - "Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader?" (adults 18-49: 1.4, #9) - "Countdown With Keith Olbermann" (adults 18-49: 1.3, #10).] Tonight's MisterMeter reading: 9 [SEVERE]