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"COUNTDOWN WITH KEITH OLBERMANN" (8:00 P.M.-9:00 P.M. ET)
Host: Keith Olbermann
Another opening, another spiel: Petraeus report is oral, not written (Scandal!), if Iraq improves it wasn't the surge, UBL is Sean Hannity (wrong comparison, as we shall see), and more. Yes, this is as boring as it sounds. So to spice things up, more dogs that did not bark, our weekly assessment of the discredited baseball collector's masculinity, and a special bonus must-see blockbuster audio clip where John Gibson connects the dots: Usama to Olbermanna. It's Casual Friday at Olbermann Watch.
#5: Petraeus will report to Congress, and Olby is hung up on the fact that he'll testify, not draft a document. UBL is "Mister Bush's Bogeyman". Iraq is a "shell game" and "American kids get killed". The Wolffe Man simpered. Olby plugged a moveon.org petition--fast work, the emails just went out today. Oh, and "Mister" Bush is insincere--yes Olbermahn uses his Kreskin-like powers to read minds now. Great thanks.
Anbar province has improved but KO sez don't thank the US military for that. It had nothing to do with the surge. Once again Krazy Keith demeans the military. Why does Olbermann hate our troops? RC played along with Bathtub Boy's insistence that we're doing everything wrong. Great thanks.
#4: Corruption in Iraq (regurgitated video from NBC). #3: The UBL video: "never mind what's on it", the big deal is "Mister" Bush hasn't caught him yet, nyah nyah nyah! KO rattled off some of UBL's monologue, but left it at that and turned to The Huffington Post's Gerald Posner (does Olby have them on retainer?) to further the spin. Great thanks.
#2: Evil Apple: they lowered the price of the iPhone. On OlbyPlanet, people who willingly bought an iPhone for $600 were cheated because it's now $400. Perhaps Rev Olbermahn should check out the parable of the workers in the vineyard. (Insert more regurgitated video here.) Plus Hugh Hefner, Brad Pitt, Angelina Jolie. #1: Lots of oddball. In the Media Matters Minute, Bathtub Boy again fed his all-consuming Olbsession: the eeevil O'Reilly. We are up to attack #291 now, though this one was lame, a simple excuse to brag about some (phonied up) ratings numbers (for the truth see below).
Silent Schnauzers: What happened to David Shuster and Scandal Watch? Oh, damn, that's right. Only (R) scandals need apply. That's why Edward R Olbermoronn has avoided reporting on the developing Hsu story for over a week now. That's why he continues to ignore this. Or an even bigger case where 11 allegedly corrupt politicians were arrested on federal charges. Oh, what, they all have a (D) after their name. OK, that get spiked as well on OlbyPlanet. And then there's that UBL tape, and what Fat Ass did not tell you about it. John Gibson reveals all in the appendix below. In sum, Keith Olbermann is still a left-wing water carrier and a slovenly political hack.
If it's Friday, it's our weekly assessment of Krazy Keith's masculinity. Over this week Monkeymann attacked Fox and other broadcasters nine times. Olby's source (Media Matters) criticized MSNBC three times, but again, Keithy protected his corporate masters with zero criticisms. That makes this week's Olbermann Manhood Quotient: -18 [limp].
Olbermann's book The book that bears Olbermann's name is#13,333, while "Culture Warrior" is #2,313. (It's that 2-for-$25 sale!) Barnes & Noble seems to have given up even trying to find a ranking for the dud OlbyTome; O'Reilly's book is #1,783 there, and is one of the top five books of 2006 per Publishers Weekly. Once again Fat Ass made some fantasy claims about how great his ratings have been, and as always he used nonstandard, artifically inflated numbers (LivePlusSameDay)--and lied by claiming these were the numbers advertisers use (they are not). But the hard facts show that on Thursday night Keith Oralmann again lost decisively to the eeevil Mr Bill both in total viewers and in the coveted, pivotal, much-beloved, critical, all-important "key demo". Tonight's MisterMeter reading: 9 [SEVERE]
Did all those bromides on the Usama Bin Laden tape have a vaguely familiar sound to you? John Gibson thought so, and the trail led straight back to Bathtub Boy: