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New York Magazine has decided to play 21 questions with Keith Olbermann and hilarity ensues.
Who's your favorite New Yorker, living or dead, real or fictional? Fred Merkle. If you can imagine the Bill Buckner play and blame happening to a rookie first baseman for the Mets or Yankees, and the guy coming back to play another seventeen years, nearly all of them in New York, and play on five pennant winners here, you get some idea of this man's mettle.Olbermann is such a Merkle fan that his user name on Ebay is Merkle923.
What's the best meal you've eaten in New York? Either the Three Filets at Quality Meats or the Crusted Tuna at Redeye Grill. But the BLTs at a long-gone deli in Hastings in the mid-eighties could not be defeated.One thing is for sure, whatever Olbermann eats, he's eating plenty of it.
In one sentence, what do you actually do all day in your job? I read, and I think, and I write, and then I read aloud, amid about 150 individual deadlines, and often under lights that can melt the skin off your bones.But not that hideous orange man-tan Olbermann sports no matter what the season. And Keith thinks? You sure wouldn't know it from the lack of diversified opinions aired on his commentary program disguised as a news show.
Where do you get your coffee? Occasionally I have some at a restaurant. Otherwise I'm a chai-latte guy.That Keith, always trying to stay hip and happening.
What's the last thing you saw on Broadway?The History Boys. Don't laugh. Before that, it was Amadeus in 1981. I get inexplicably anxious for the actors.No wonder, he identifies with the actors because he is an actor, portraying a (bad) news guy on television.
Do you give money to panhandlers?I have on occasion, but a lot less frequently ever since a day 25 years ago when I saw the pitiable looking woman always camped in front of Bryant Park, pull her pink Cadillac out of an alley across the street.However Keith is totally open to handing over checks to ex-presidents right before an interview, on air.
What's your drink? White Rock 2002 Napa Valley Claret. Bill Murray bought me a bottle. Says the sommelier had brought him the wrong bottle one night. If they're out, a Guinness.Hmm. What happened to Merlot? Guess that's not his favorite drink anymore. Gee, wonder why. And Guineness beer huh? Isn't Olbermann supposed to have a Gluten allergy? Another Olbermann lie?
How often do you prepare your own meals?Do you count cereal? Salad bar at work? If so, once, often twice daily.Funny, for someone eating ceral and salad, Olbermann seems inexplicably fat.
What's your favorite medication? Protonix. I can get asthmatic episodes from acid reflux (and from the current administration). This stuff takes care of the first kind.According to this website, some of the side effects of Protonix include: anxiety, chest pain, dizziness, gastrointestinal disorder, nausea, and rectal disorder. Sounds like what Olbermann himself causes if you ask
What's hanging above your sofa? A map of the U.S. made out of each state's license plates by Aaron Foster.
How much is too much to spend on a haircut? Not competent to answer. I get mine gratis from Mary and Tonya, two gifted hairstylists at work. Toupees aside, there are a lot of things you're not competent to answer Keith but it's good to see you finally admit it.
When's bedtime? With any luck, 1 a.m. I do work nights after all. Sounds exquisite, but as long as I've had that kind of schedule, everybody else in this city has insisted on getting up two to seven hours before I do and apparently conspiring to bring me with them.
Brunch: pro or con? Pro. Norma's in the Parker-Meridien serves it until 3 p.m. I believe I patronized them virtually every day from July 1, 2001, through February 1, 2003. I actually was the only customer a couple of times right after 9/11. Great food, greater people.Again, we're not sure what Olbermann eats but by the looks of his ample backside, he eats plenty of it.
What's your thread count? When they start gettin threads hangin off dem, I toss dem. Oh, youse mean something else.Oh that Keith, he made a funny.
What do you hate most about living in New York?Rent and real-estate prices. And that I was stupid enough not to buy my studio apartment at 55th and Second in 1983 because I feared the concept of a $30,000 mortgage.Yes Keith, we all know how difficult it can be living in a 40th Floor, 4.2 million dollar Trump apartment on the Upper East side.
What's your brand of jeans? Levi's. And he wants them back.Again, with the comedy. Only not so much.
When's the last time you drove a car? 1984. I hit my head on the 7 train at Shea four years prior and destroyed my depth perception while in motion. I did not fully understand this until I took some refresher driving lessons before moving to suburban Boston. And wound up on the sidewalk.Yes we suspect the head injury damaged far more than Olbermann's driving ability.
Who should be the next president? Elizabeth Edwards.Of course it would be a Democrat. We're just surprised he hasn't made a crack about her weight or age yet.
Times, Post, or Daily News? Times. The News is nearly as good as when I read it every day when I was a kid. Is the Post still publishing?Of course he would say the NY Times, that's where his old-buddy, the former TVNewser is now employed.
Yankees or Mets? Very tough. Grew up with the bad Yankees of the sixties and seventies. Worked with Joe Torre in TV in L.A. But the Mets are good people top to bottom. Just to muddy it further, I like the Red Sox, too.More pandering to the audience. You can't love the Mets and the Yankees. And if you're a Yankee, you can't like the Red Sox. Any sports fan knows that. But Olbermann? Clueless.
What makes someone a New Yorker? Not standing gawking in the middle of the busiest sidewalk. And looking before you turn, or start walking backwards.?
And what makes someone a real news anchor? Just do the exact opposite of what Keith Olbermann does and you'll do just fine.