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"COUNTDOWN WITH KEITH OLBERMANN" (8:00 P.M.-9:00 P.M. ET)
Host: Keith Olbermann
President Bush flubs some names which means he wasn't really involved in the Middle East peace summit in Annapolis, MD, declares Der Fuhrer. Karl Rove "rewriting history" claiming that the Gulf War was "congress' war!" Zing! He's lying! Obviously. Spy games or something. Olbsession Bill-O attacked again for coming down on a vehemently anti American film while the network sells ad space for the movie (as if Bill ran the advertising department?). Laura Schlessinger too. Oh and Norman Lloyd. Another whiney night of the ferocious Keith Oralmann.
#5: 343 days until the next Presidential election. Thanks for the heads up, Fat Ass. I bet you've got it marked V-C day on your Calendar for Victory for Clinton. Mispronunciations are not the faux pas only of the dummy, supposedly. Not that Keith has ever mispronounced anything. Never. Ever. Like, last week. The President had a "cameo" at the peace conference in Annapolis. Olby, ever trying to demonstrate his superiority and his alpha male status, pronounces the two leaders' (Israel and the PLO) names correctly. Congratulations. Do you want a cookie? Maybe a bottle of merlot? I've got some really fancy merlot that cost me a hair more than pocket lint. Of course, this was all about a photo op. Wolffie makes a joke as he slides, mispronouncing Olbersturmfuhrer's name. Wolffe, probably unappreciated on OlbyPlanet, actually praises President Bush (before criticizing him) for engaging the peace process while declaring there had never been any involvement before. Some yammering about how the President isn't really involved, isn't doing hard work or something. WSJ cited by Olby. Great thanks. Whatever.
Karl Rove, aka Machiavelli [Ding!], "blames congress" for authorizing the war in Iraq. The Huff and Puff blows its way in to help Herr Olbermann out. Karl Rove's comments are the work of a "shameless, remorseless perhaps soulless political animal." Easy there, tiger. It's all about money, speaking engagements, etc. George Orwell and 1984 references referenced! [Ding!][Ding!] Eric Blair (George Orwell) should be suing Olby for copyright violations, says Jabba himself. "Is this not 1984?" [Ding!] [Ding!] [Ding!] [Ding!] The bell broke. Even if Rove told the truth, he's still lying!
#4: The most yawn inducing segment with the ever dramatic Jonathan Turley. Snoooozzzeeeee. A "top Republican", Sen. Arlen Specter (R-PA), is trying to stop the President from being able to do eeeevil secret things. Monkeys will fly out of the President's butt, apparently. Turley mentions his involvement in the "Area 51" case; oh that one! Right. Ever important. Judges are afraid. Of what, we do not know. No wait, they're lazy. Area 51. Reynolds. Lie. Privilege. New York Times. Supreme Court does not understand Turley's brilliance. Punish Alberto Gonzales! It's "rather clear" what the President ordered is a "federal crime." Turley has a wish, he wants to put the genie back in the bottle in terms of the "privilege." Great thanks and it was "most harrowing."
#3: All consuming Olbsession O'Reilly time. Jesus, Mary and Joseph. Bill O'Reilly "attacking the USO." O'Reilly, unlike Olbermann, left his desk and went to Afghanistan. Do you know how many stories Olbermann has done outside of his office? Guess? Any? None! Zing! Oralmann needs to after "right wing" Laura Schlessinger. Is "O'Reilly drunk?" "He sounds drunk!" Lay off the bloody Merlot! Keith "Chicken and Waffles" Olbermann went on to highlight O'Reilly's entire show. You wonder why his ratings are up? Olby's? Well, there.....uh......limp. O'Reilly also wanted to kick Mark Cuban "in the basketballs!" HA! Penis/Testicle joke! I love those. I wonder what Katy thinks of them. More nonsense. Nothing to see here. Murdoch, Fox Noise [Ding!, O'Reilly, care only about the money. Not the troop.
#2: Keeping Tabs. Ouch. Politicians getting celebrity endorsements. HOLD THE MERLOT! WHAT IS THIS! KEITH, ARE YOU CONCERNED ONLY ABOUT THE MONEY? After drooling at the thought of reading Sen. Kennedy's memoirs which Mr. Kennedy will get millions for, out pops Fat Ass's book! You know, the one that he didn't write and is merely a compilation of all his Speshul Reeducation Komments.
#1: Norman Lloyd. They argue over who has admired whom longer. Vomit.
In the Media Maters minute, FBN for putting on the air an "online shopper" who was in fact an employee of the National Retail Federation. The NRF blamed fox, so did Olby. Naturally. Silver: FEMA for having a ringer (employee) as a questioner at another news conference (source: AP). Gold: Republican (obs) Mitt Romney! Would he put a muslim in his cabinet? Who knows, who cares? They do in loony tune land. Talking Points Memo.
Olbermann's book The book that bears Olbermann's went through the roof to #24,365 at amazon.com, but "Culture Warrior" is #7,749. (It's that 2-for-$25 sale!) The OlbyTome crated at #134,674 at Barnes and Noble; O'Reilly's book is #1,727 there, and is one of the top five books of 2006 per Publishers Weekly. Reliable numbers for Monday's hour of spin were unavailable, but you can rest easy believing O'Reilly walloped him. Tonight's MisterMeter reading: 2 [LOW]