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"COUNTDOWN WITH KEITH OLBERMANN" (8:00 P.M.-9:00 P.M. ET)
Host: Keith Olbermann
Hark! It is the opening spiel: Clintonomics! Fairy Tale Flap! Diebold Machines! St Rudy of 9/11 [Ding!] O.J.! Attacks on Paula Abdul! It's casual Friday at Olbermann Watch, and the fun will be watching the infamous, deplorable one make a fool out of himself--twice!
#5: Clinton comments controversy. Clip: Hillary speech. Clip: AZ governor endorses Obama. Why didn't the Dems hit on the economy sooner? Who's ahead, Hill or Obama? Is Clinton going on Meet the Press a "minefield"? Howard Fineman, Pundit for All Occasions, nattered about her "asbestos pantsuit". Clyburn (D) thinking of endorsing Obama because of Bill Jefferson Clinton comments; Olby rushed to "explain" B.J.'s words. Is it a pattern of racial insensitivity? Eugene Robinson bloviated.
#4: On to the Republicans? Of course not. On to the Diebold machines! Oralmann reaches into his Grooveyard of Golden Oldies for his favorite Keith Konspiracy: those crooked machines! A NJ rep shows up and--guess what?--he has a (D) after his name. You really must take another look at The List. He wants audits and was Great Thanksed.
After comparing "Mister" Bush to Benedict Arnold, Edward R Olbermann finally got to #3. St Rudy of 9/11 [Ding!] is low on money. Willard! [Ding!] Rudy forms a Catastrophe Advisory Committee. Olby lied that Rudy had "run out of money", and ridiculed his tax plan. Dana Milbank, absent animated accutrements, mumbled.
Um, wasn't there a Republican debate last night? Maybe on Earth, but not on OlbyPlanet.
#2: O.J., Marion Jones. #1: Paula Abdul and American Idol.
In the Media Matters Minute, "worst" was Fred Thompson--oh damn, Olby had to mention last night's debate. Thompson was stupid because talking about that naval incident in Iran he referred to virgins, and Oralmann set him straight: it's terrorists who believe in the virgins, not the Iranian Navy. Apparently KO is unaware that those boats were not from the navy but from the Iranian Revolutionary Guard--a "terrorist" organization. Oops. Another Keith Klassik.
Oh, we also got O'Reilly atack #401, with Fat Ass chortling over an O'Reilly joke that he should be on the Supreme Court. Adding stupidity to his tone-deafness, Edward R Olbermann cracked: "Oh now you have a law degree?" Hey Einstein, there is no law degree requirement to be a Supreme Court justice. Oops again. Olby shoots twice, misses twice. But then we've known for a long time that he's been firing blanks.
If it's Friday, it's our weekly assessment of Krazy Keith's masculinity. In this shortened week Monkeymann attacked Fox and other broadcasters 36 times. Olby's source (Hillary Clinton's Media Matters) criticized (MS)NBC 12 times, but Keithy protected his corporate masters with zero criticisms. That makes this week's Olbermann Manhood Quotient: -96 [Musto limp].
On Thursday night Keithy found himself in third place once again, losing to both the eeevil O'Reilly as well as the hit-and-run killer on CNN. Tonight's MisterMeter reading: 5 [ELEVATED]