"COUNTDOWN WITH KEITH OLBERMANN" (8:00 P.M.-9:00 P.M. ET)

Host: Keith Olbermann

Topics/Guests:

• PASTOR DISASTER: Hagee! [Ding!]
• ANOTHER PASTOR DISASTER: McCain attack #43020! [Ding!]
• MCCAIN AWOL: Another sleazy military themed attack
• HILLARY PRESSES ON
• KARL ROVE! SWIFT BOAT! TURD BLOSSOM! ATTORNEY FIRING SCANDAL! [Ding!] [Ding!] [Ding!] [Ding!]
• MCSQUIRM: Ellen Degeneres nails (get it?) John McCain on gay marriage!

As you can see from the summary, the opening spiel was just the biggest heap of [Dings] we've had in a while. Herr Olbermann not only goes to great lengths to smear John McCain, but the rest of the military! Watch as he insults Gen. Petraeus and goes on another bender! Tabarnak.

#5: There's a political apocalypse afoot for the Republican presidential candidate (don't tel me you're surprised). Shockingly, unlike the Obamamessiah and Rev. Wright, John McCain rejects Rev. Hagee's endorsement. The lackeys and Keith can't help but keep trying to make Rev. Hagee John McCain's pastor, when in fact he has no relation to his church unlike Obama and Rev. Wright. According to Oralmann, compared to Hagee, Wright is "mild" and "silly." You know, that guy who says "The government lied about inventing the HIV virus as a means of genocide against people of color. Governments lie." Silly bear. On to the next pastor disaster, apparently John McCain calls another person his spiritual advisor, Rod Parsley. Wolffe Man, that colorful non partisan guy who calls Republicans the merchants of slime and sellers of hate, wanders in. Hagee thrown under the bus! [Ding!] Wolffe counters that this is actually a political relationship rather than personal. Some bumbling about and all the woes that beset McCain.

The McCain campaign is run by lobbyists. Chuckie discusses the reality of working in DC with people who have lobbying ties because they nearly ALL DO. Sheriff Olbermann doesn't like that, so he tries to bring up the shady figures the lobbyists supposedly worked with. We'll avoid the hypocrisy of the Olby Gong Show and the Obama campaign.

#4: Supporting the troops means voting for a GI Bill that was a Democratic piece of legislation. Fat Ass also left out the domestic part that gave subsidies to Planned Parenthood. Dana Milbank plays consultant on the Florida and Michigan delegations to the Democratic National Convention. Al Gore was robbed. McCain doesn't show up to vote on bills by the Democratic leadership. Bush-McCain! [Ding!]

Bushed: Poison-Gate! Swift Boat-Gate! Phony War On Terror-Gate!

Oddball: A urinal that is a video game. Flying fish.

Best Persons: Deutsche-Post puts Rudolf Hess on a stamp. Bobble head doll that is in the image of Larry Craig. GCSE Music exam has the answers on it.

#3: Rove gets served! Turd-Blossom perp walk out the front door of fixed news! [Ding!] John Conyers gets excited at the prospect of arresting Rove (not going to happen). Ever dramatic Jonathan Turley delivers his best act about the "flagrant contempt of congress." History of Congress arresting people.

#2: The Media Matters minute: bronze goes to Comcast cable for firing Barry Nolan for criticizing the Boston area Emmys for giving an award to Bill O'Reilly (CrooksAndLiars). The most shocking of all, the runner up, General Petraeus shills for the White House and is a press flak! He gave an "embarrassing testimony" before congress last September (ThinkProgress). Some loony konspiracy theory. Gold: Oliver North on Fixed News [Ding!]

#1: John McCain on Ellen DeGeneres. Rachel Maddow surprisingly makes an appearance. Huey Lewis reference (that offends me, how dare you use one of my favorite bands?). Crazy distortion of what John McCain said.

Tonight's MisterMeter reading: 1 [LOW]