"COUNTDOWN WITH KEITH OLBERMANN" (8:00 P.M.-9:00 P.M.)

Host: Keith Olbermann

Topic/Guests:

• 2008 ELECTION: Howard Fineman, Newsweek senior Washington correspondent and MSNBC political analyst; Rachel Maddow, Air America Radio host and MSNBC political analyst
• RICHARD CLARK ON IRAN: Richard Clarke, author "Your Government Failed You: Breaking the Cycle of National Security Disasters"
• MARS LANDER IS SENDING BACK PIX: Derrick Pitts, Franklin Institute Science Museum chief astronomer

Yap yap yap! McCain's lobbyist scandal! Evil Republican trying to victimize people who own homes! Phil Gramm scandal! [Ding!] Obama attacks McCainenomics! McCain heckled by loony left. McCain goes to Bush fundraiser. McCain says he'll never surrender in Iraq with Fat Ass snarky comment, "You're not the one fightin' there, are ya fella?" Oralmann should be asking, have I ever gotten off my proverbial Fat Ass to go to Iraq? No! Wait, did I say proverbial? Just like Scott McClellan throws "Mister" Bush under the "proverbial" [Ding!] bus! One day I hope to have a written account of al those proverbs regarding buses. Iran nuke "scare tactics!" Richard Clark! Mars lander! "Poo in space!" Scatological jokes! Space toilet clogged! Gag me with a spoon!

#5: McCain does not know anything about economics. McCain purports to be a maverick but has eeeevil lobbyists on his campaign staff. Phil Gramm is supposedly an "enabler" (single handedly) of the "mortgage crisis." Some clowns interrupt McCain's speech supposedly trying to correct his pronunciation of Ahmadinejad. Not that Keith has never mispronounce things like the time he tried to say "NARAL" and instead said "Nahr-AL." Oh Mr. Cornell scholar, with a lexicon so impressive that I remand myself to my dictionary for comfort, enlighten me when it comes to the ways of superfluous rhetoric and...well...obnoxiousness. Somehow using a ridiculous segue to home foreclosures, Der Fuhrer mentions a "surge" in the aforementioned which, of course, relates to the quote regarding how McCain will never permit surrender in Iraq. Don't ask me, ask Olbersturmfuhrer and his lackeys. Senator Obama talks to homeowners and "slamming McCain" for "adopting the Bush" view. Is anyone surprised this show has bequeathed me a drinking problem? Moving along. Obama panders to latinos by making a stab at Spanish. BREAKING NEWS Phil Gramm, former Republican Senator from Texas, worked as a lobbyist! Horrors! Countdown exclusive! Gramm lobbies the Senate! (where he was a member) On behalf of banking interests which, coincidentally, Gramm works on the McCain campaign as an economic adviser! Brilliant discovery, Olbermahn lackeys! McCain consulted Gramm! DOUBLE HORRORS! He consulted an advisor! Great depression! [Ding!] More DailyKos inspired Konspiracy Theories. Oralmann gaffe! Something about "deregula-cation!" Call in the hecklers. Pundit-For-All-Occasions Howie rides in with a serious tilted head and a confirming head nod as Keithy speaks. John McCain is only a maverick in spirit according to Mr. Fine. Edward R. Olbermann concedes that Obama has lobbyists on his campaign (as was pointed out here the other night) but with the caveat that they 'are not taking advantage of their access.' Howie agrees.

#4: Sacrament! Scott McClellan! Propaganda! Katrina! Keith Olbermann pimped out Rachel Maddow to play Err Armerica left wing loon pundit. Jabba asserts the Bush administration has taken on the "phony" notion of the liberal media. McCellan, as far as the Olby interpretation goes, agrees in regard to the notion of the liberal media's inability to fully question the war. Thanks as always!

BUSHED!: McSame (DailyKos nod, naturally!), Phony war on terror-gate!, Hyprocrisy-gate

Oddball: Roll a piece of junk car, hockey team broke a trophy

#3: Another attempt at bringing in former 'Bushies' to pleasure Monkey Mann's notion of truth speaking, disillusioned members of the Bush administration. Not much to see here.

#2: Sydney Pollack, RIP. Agreed. Out Of Africa is one of my favorite films. Other Hollywood gossip.

#1: Probe lands on Mars

In the Media Matters minute, Liz Trotta (obviously) of Fox News. Lunatic fringe! [Ding!], silver to Michelle Malkin (far right! [Ding!]) coupled with mocking effeminate voice to make Michelle sound like a ditz. Falafel! [Ding!] Worst person ever? Former Democratic Senator turned independent (that's why he's now on Keith's naughty list) Joe Lieberman is truly the worst. Thanks, CarpetBaggerReport!

Tonight's MisterMeter reading: 2 [LOW]

FYI: Liz Trotta's full comments. Keith conceded she apologized so I guess we don't need that.