"COUNTDOWN WITH KEITH OLBERMANN" (8:00 P.M.-9:00 P.M. ET)

Host: Keith "Czechoslovakia" Olbermann

Topics:

• HILLARY CAMPAIGN MEMOS HELD AGAINST McCAIN!
• NIGHTLY McCAIN ATTACK PART DEUX
• OLBY AND THE PERFESSOR
• RATINGS TROUBLE: TIME FOR AN O'REILLY ATTACK EXTRAVAGANZA!

Guests:

• Howard Fineman, Pundit for All Occasions
• Chris Kofinis: Democratic party hack
• Rachel Maddow, failed Err America comedian
• Jonathan Turley, aka The Perfessor

Believe it or not, to Edward R Olbermann, settling a lawsuit is the same thing as paying hush money to a mistress and the fall guy who took the baby bullet for the randy Senator! There's one slight difference: lawsuit settlements are indisputably legal.

Philly:
Chris Kofinis is again shilling for Barry Soetoro. [Don't forget to check out the latest update to The List! --J$] We can set our clocks to the Soetoro tank dweller. Tank Boy says McCain has crossed "a political rubicon" by saying Soetoro is not American enough. Rip-n-Read Olby said Hillary Clinton's refusal to brand Soetoro as un-American was a great accomplishment regardless of any other rotten thing she has done. Nice touch with the knife-turn, Olby. Stay classy.

I will refer to the socialist formerly known as Barack Obama by his adopted name of Barry Soetoro, which just might be his legal name . If this is the case, all of the money for the "O" propaganda is going down the rathole. That would be an interesting development.

ktt:
Why is Olbermann trying to blow smoke up HRC's behind now? He understands he's only sitting in the Obama/Kos/DU section of the Dem party seats. How will he make his way back in the Clintons' good graces because they're not going anywhere and he'll do anything to look like he belongs with the cool kids.

J$:
This is rich. Tonight Rachel Madcow, radio entertainer and failed talk show host, is playing a military historian! 'Nuff said. As for Olby and the Perfessor, we did our usual: set up a clock to see how long it took him to allege a federal crime. Tick tock tick tock: [Ding!] 14 seconds. A new OlbyPlanet record!

MikeC:
O'Reilly Attack #504. Keith "Man on Fan" Olbermann continues to feed his Olbsession by linking the Rielle Hunter and Andrew Young hush money to the evil O'Reilly settling his suit with the disgruntled former employee whom I will name and provide [dings] for momentarily. It's an enormous stretch, but hey, this is OlbyPlanet.

The segment began with OlbyFriend Seth MacFarlane voicing the introduction to "Factor Fiction" as Stewie Griffin. I'll spare you the copy (script), but it ends with Stewie...uh...tinkling on our humble correspondent. Classy. Oralmann says "Bill O'Reilly is the gift that keeps on giving, and the bottomless mug of root beer, and for the matter, the bottomless *pit*, too." We could say the same about you, Rip 'n Read. The upper-right graphic reads "The Falafel [ding!] Guy Fatwa" and features the big head on the small body; stuff we're used to by now. Frank Burns of News! [ding!] Sideshow Bob comparison. Delusions of grandeur! "Billo the Clown [ding!] goes after John Edwards and manages only to remind everyone about Andrea Mackris [ding!] while actually making feel sorry for John Edwards." (See? I told you I'd be dinging her name eventually.) "The translation to human is mine." Human? If you want the human translation, watch the video of the segment that is distorted by KeithO the Klown:

Meanwhile, on OlbyPlanet, the Ted Baxter voice rears its ugly head again. First, here is how the Talking Points Memo began last night:

O'REILLY: We had the mistress story last spring, but chose not to air it because of the pain it would bring to Elizabeth Edwards, a brave woman, and her three children. Also, Edwards was out of politics by then. If he had held power, it would have been a different story.

Keithy only read the first sentence and played serious, referring to Bill as essentially being a cold, uncaring, xenophobic bigot (not using those words) following the ow house firer in the Bronx in March '07. He "ignored the grief." "Their immigration status was so much more important to O'Reilly than their heartbreak that he almost got into an on-air fist fight with Geraldo Rivera over the story!"

Aha! Another Olbermann Lie. The "fist fight" was in the wake of a fatal car crash in Virginia Beach in April '07 that killed two teenage girls. The driver that caused the accident was a criminal illegal alien (not a regular one). However, considering that the crash happened only a month after the deadly Bronx fire, I can understand why BOR got as worked up as he did (before he and Geraldo returned to normal in the last minute; it was just heated debate, after all).

Olbermahn went on to read more from T-Points, but stopped short of the clip of Joseph Califano asserting BOR's point about the majority of homeless vets being addicted or mentally ill:

JOSEPH CALIFANO, AUTHOR, "HIGH SOCIETY": Our work and most of the research will show that about 90 percent of the homeless in this country have drug problems or alcohol problems or both. The real tragedy here is most of those veterans have had combat experience that are suffering from drug and alcohol problems and mental health problems, and we are not taking care of them.

O'REILLY: And that is the true story. It has nothing to do with the economy. For calling Edwards on his exploitation, we were subject to stuff like this:

Keith responded: "In Billo [ding!] land, if you are addicted or mentally ill, it doesn't matter if you got that way while you served this country. It's all your fault, and the government should not spend Bill O'Reilly's money on you."

But let's go back to T-Points:

O'REILLY: What bull. Just so you know, about 10 days ago, the Department of Housing and Urban Development issued a report saying there are 125,000 chronically homeless in America right now. 10,000 homeless veterans. 10,000. So Edwards was simply lying. In addition, we examined how Edwards himself fit into his "two America" scenario. We showed you his over-the-top $6 million house in North Carolina, located across the street from a mobile home park where everyday folks live. We sent our crews down to talk to some of those folks about Edwards, who often jogs by.

That second paragraph was, of course, ignored by Merkle. Instead: "Actually, Bill is lying or too stupid to have read the entire H.U.D. report. Or both." Bogus stats shown on screen to make Edwards look like the hero and our humble correspondent look like the idiot. Playing serious again: "John Edwards was and is *damned right* about that and Bill O'Reilly is a lying snake oil salesman." We're going that route again? "So, did he pull that 10,000 homeless veterans figure out of his...brains? No. He misread intentionally or otherwise a joint announcement *from* Housing and Urban Development and the Department of Veterans Affairs..." Oh, I can't take this anymore! Whatever else Oralmann did in the remaining 2:20 is irrelevant to me.

ktt:
This is rich. While Olbermann is pissing around with some kind of Frank Burns imitation and ranting about number discrepancies, O'Reilly is discussing the need to follow the Edwards campaign money. I am curious where the millions to support the mistress, the child, and the campaign advisor came from also. So which segment has more substance?

If the stories from Kamabites1 are true, KO is in no position to be teasing sex scandals, and I'm betting they are. Word has it he's not exactly a stand up guy in that territory (without phamaceuticals anyway). At least O'Reilly didn't have a website devoted to his commentary before, during, and after a supposed liasion with a fan. One has to wonder if money changed hands to make that site disappear.

Wouldn't it be great if some night he accidently said "Karmabites1" instead of "Andrea Makris". Damn that would be worth sitting thru this torture. I hope he ends the O'Reilly segment with a Shakespeare quote. That would make my night. Wonder if he still wears the blue beads for luck.

Philly:
For this relief, much thanks.

Katy Turic:
Countdown's about Bill and FoxNews
Bashing Bush and Keith's latest ruse
Untruthful reporting
Obama supporting
Phone it in and simply hit snooze

And that's The Hour of Spin for this, the 828th day since the declaration that "Karl Rove will in fact be indicted".

Great thanks to our OlbyWatch recappers who contributed!

13 Comments

By Scott on August 13, 2008 1:01 AM

So.....not to beat a dead horse, but ........."Keith responded: "In Billo [ding!] land, if you are addicted or mentally ill, it doesn't matter if you got that way while you served this country. It's all your fault, and the government should not spend Bill O'Reilly's money on you."

Not KO's money. Cause he doesn't pay taxes, as we know.

Does KO have a valid point on anything anymore? The "funny" voice thing doesn't make it true, Keithy. Check in with the Kos-kidz quick before the ratings drop anymore.

By Mike C. on August 13, 2008 1:12 AM

If I work up enough energy and a thick enough skin to recap again, I'll be very surprised.

By dcmeyer on August 13, 2008 3:43 AM

Another puppy that doesn't peep in olbyland: Sen. Landrieu's name removed from Obama fundraiser

BATON ROUGE, La. (AP) — Democratic Sen. Mary Landrieu, who faces a tough re-election, has had her name removed from a fundraiser announcement for presidential candidate Barack Obama.

http://ap.google.com/article/ALeqM5iZAe0cw5Vk1Lw5IzdVkxx34OCdpAD92GS7900

By Katy Turic on August 13, 2008 9:51 AM

John Edwards had his bastard love child
While campaigning for Girls Gone Wild
His wife's in remission
That gives him permission
But he's always been rank and defiled

By Media Critic on August 13, 2008 10:19 AM

Olbermann gets his news from Daily Kos & HuffPo. The denziens there demanded that those two sites silence discussion of the Edwards affair, they like to ignore anything negative. Olby can't know what's going on if those sites aren't covering it or are tryign to hide talk about it. So what does he talk about instead? The usual BS.

By Sefton on August 13, 2008 12:53 PM

Here's another dog that didn't bark. The dismissal of Valerie Plame's suit against Cheney, Rove et al is upheld on appeal.

http://tinyurl.com/5gvvg3

By Mike C. on August 13, 2008 1:30 PM

Since the Monday thread has been hijacked, I'll make my footnote for Monday here. The Worst Person was Stuart Shepard (or is it Shepherd?) from James Dobson's Focus on the Family. Stuart made a video where he essentially prayed for rain on the night of Obama's Convention speech at Invesco Field in two weeks. The video was pulled from the Focus website, but is still making the rounds on YouTube. The video was probably done in jest, but still, you shouldn't be doing that. But I'm coming at this from the "some things you just can't joke about" perspective, not the "religion is bad and so are people that criticize Obama" perspective that Olbermoronn had.

By Mike C. on August 13, 2008 2:21 PM

I've finally worked up the courage, and the time, to watch the rest of the O'Reilly Attack segment. I won't transcribe, but I will summarize. Homeless vets stat lie. Porter Berry attack (implying he's a moron), which induced laughs from the sophomoric staff. Stalker producer! [ding!] McCain attack. Another Sideshow Bob reference. Sneering grin from Howard Beale-bermann. And now, comes the lawsuit settlement comparison. Fat Ass brings a paper to his face, then another paper. Andrea Mackris! [ding!] The final blow was: "Project much, Bill?" Here's what Keith Oralmann stopped short of reading in his TV Icon besmirching voice (except for the first two sentences):
"The question now is who paid to hide the story? Millions of dollars exchanged hands. That money must be accounted for. 'The Factor' will find out what happened there.
But *we do not relish any of this.* *It is a hallmark of the vicious far left and far right to revel in the pain of others.* *We do not do that.*
We knew Edwards was a bad guy from the jump and *chose to challenge him *on the issues.** *I think we were right to handle it that way.* As always, I could be wrong.
And that's 'The Memo.'"
Omit much, Relisher Keith?
And that is the capper on my recap from last night. Now, on with my day.

By Mike C. on August 13, 2008 2:24 PM

Correction: the first *three* sentences.

By KO-a-go-go on August 13, 2008 5:07 PM

From Gawker:

Keith Olbermann is not so sure MSNBC should be teaming up with Rupert Murdoch on some stupid "citizen journalism" project involving MySpace, so in retaliation the Post ran the absolute fattest, least attractive picture of the Countdown anchor it could find. [P6]

http://gawker.com/5036422/john-mayer-breaks-up-with-jennifer-aniston

Um---I do not think it is all that difficult for the NYPost to find an "absolute fat" picture of Keith Olbermann, he's pretty beefy. As for the "least attractive" part, well since most pictures of him are not re-touched by the NBC PR machine, I think thats a pretty easy task for the NYPost as well...

By Mike C. on August 13, 2008 5:52 PM

Well, unfortunately, the ratings are back to normal.
http://tvbythenumbers.com/2008/08/13/cable-news-ratings-for-tuesday-august-12-2008/4677
8PM - P2+ (25-54) (35-64)
The O’Reilly Factor- 2,338,000 viewers (484,000) (743,000)
CNN Election Center– 502,000 viewers (166,000) (222,000)
Countdown w. Olbermann – 991,000 viewers (357,000) (568,000)
On the Money- 312,000 viewers (198,000) (213,000)
Nancy Grace –948,000 viewers (353,000) (498,000)
But fortunately, unlike last night, the 10:00 rerun got trounced.
Still, Keith has returned to normal and isn't going anywhere. And yes, Olbermoronn, my face is red.
I think an attack from a nameless user is pending. So, I'm fleeing this comment thread.

By ramjet on August 13, 2008 6:30 PM

By Katy Turic on August 13, 2008 9:51 AM

Five Stars! Two Thumbs Up! Winner of the LOL's (Legion of Limericks) Highest Award, the Platinum Smiley Face with 'V' for Vers de Societe!

:>)

By Mike C. on August 14, 2008 1:20 PM

Back to my recap again: How many times has Keith Oralmann referred to that AP report about the settlement and quoted it verbatim? Anti-O'Reilly documents/articles are like the Bible to him.

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